Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Resuming Exercise, Resuming Therapy

I went for a run yesterday—first time since November 2011. Granted, it was only about ten minutes around the block, but wow did it feel amazing. I literally almost cried as I started, because I was so happy to be able to run again. Now, before everyone panics and goes all KAYLEE YOU FREAK WHAT ABOUT THE WHOLE ANOREXIA THING, let me say that I have zero desire to jump back into exercise headfirst. First of all, I've been mainly lifting, which means that I am literally incapacitated with soreness for a full 3-4 days afterwards, and thus cannot even contemplate throwing the weights around more than twice a week. As for the running, sure it felt great, but I was also dying because I am woefully out of shape. A ten-minute mile felt like a full-out sprint. Chest heaving, throat burning, legs wobbling—the whole nine yards. So again, I couldn't have done much more than that even if I'd wanted.

Eventually, of course, I'll get into better shape and be able to work out more often. At the same time, I have zero desire to overdo it. I want to feel good, not to burn calories or lose weight. Kaylee is not allowed to lose weight. As much as I might hate my current weight, continuing to be in pain would be a thousand times worse. It probably seems like I'm making this all sound very simple and easy, which it won't be. Overexercise has been a problem for me as far back as I can remember, and it was only when an injury forced me to quit cold-turkey that I was able to break the daily cardio compulsion. But I have the best intentions in the world, and promise to keep myself accountable.

That being said, my period is late. I don't think I've been doing enough exercise volume- or intensity-wise to affect my period, but I suppose time will tell. Fingers crossed I get my period this month, or else I'll have to do some serious rethinking about my eating and working-out habits.

On that note, I think my therapy situation might finally be settled. I officially dumped meanie Candidate #1 this morning, and had my second appointment with Candidate #2, who will henceforth be known as Dr. P. (Do I already have a Dr. P? I can't remember how many letters I've assigned. WHATEVER. Dr. P it is.)   I really like her. She's sweet and understanding and has lots of ideas about how to address the issues that need addressing. I left my appointment feeling good for a change, and ready to move forward. Haven't had that feeling post-therapy in a long, long time.

1 comment:

  1. The update on running makes me really happy for two reasons: it went so well for you/felt good AND that you're being really aware of the overexercise problems in the past, and are determined to not use it to lose weight. Kudos to you for both!

    Congrats on getting set up with Dr. P! I really hope it works well for you, and I'm thrilled that you're feeling so positive about it! And maybe the two of you can work together to keep tabs on your return to running to make sure that it stays at a healthy level and is motivated by love of running, and not cycle into overexercise/unhealthy motives.

    Sounds like you're headed into both of these ventures with a really healthy mindset, which is a major part of the battle on both fronts! Keep up the awesome work!