I saw my new therapist Dr. P yesterday and she made me feel a lot better about the weight stuff. She gave me the name of a dietician to try, so I made an appointment for Monday. Although I
am ready to talk this all out with a professional, I'm having a couple concerns. 1) She's not a registered dietitian, but a "certified nutrition specialist." I know it's snobby of me to get hung up on the letters behind her name, but is there any reason to be concerned about seeing an MS/CNS versus an RD? 2) She doesn't specialize in eating disorders. She told me over the phone that she has experience with them, but I've never seen someone who didn't work out of an ED clinic and suddenly, that's scaring me. I don't want to see somebody who's going to give me a spiel on, like, healthy eating and low-fat snacks and obesity epidemic crap and stuff like that. Again, maybe I'm overthinking it, but I want someone who knows.her.shit. Suddenly the thought of going back to J seems more appealing than it did before.
I suck at making decisions. At the moment, I'm thinking I'll keep the initial appointment with Certified Nutrition Specialist and if I get bad vibes, just e-mail J and ask if she'll see me again even though I dumped R. And then I'll hope and pray that I won't run into him in the waiting room of ED Clinic because the potential awkwardness is beyond my imaginative capabilities. Unfortunately the initial appointment fee with CNS is $110 and I am not made of CASHMONEY so that would be an expensive disappointment if it doesn't work out.
On the other hand, you might be glad to know that I have resisted weighing myself for the past several days, have pretty much stuck to my normal intake, and even ate (well, drank) another one of those
extra snacks yesterday when my tummy was a-rumbling and whimpering and generally being a big old grouch.
Congrats on staying off the scale and listening to your hunger cues! That's awesome!
ReplyDeleteAlthough spending the money sucks, it might be helpful to just meet with the CNS, knowing that although it might be awkward, you can still see J again if it doesn't go well. I think it's good that you're going in with the knowledge that she doesn't specialize in EDs, just so you know you can disregard anything she might throw your way that sounds counter-productive in terms of recovery. I had that experience, and it was very bad (email me if you want to know more about that stuff), but since she's worked with EDs in the past, she could be really knowledgeable. I hope that's the case! And if not, J is always there and has seemed to help in the past. Fingers crossed that it goes well for you!
My gut (hah) feeling would be to not see this nutritionist. I've gotten some really shitty but well intentioned advice from RD's who didn't have loads of ED experience, and some who did.
ReplyDeleteEven when I was uber honest, just months out of IP, I got advice like (triggerish? I'm saying this as an ex of absurdity so hopefully not)- eat less bread, juice, and more protein so I'd be less hungry. My body in refeeding is a calorie burning machiiine. Like, got me on 1:1 bc people were convinced i was hiding something level crazy. So i wanted advice on how to get enough calories in as an outpatient and instead I got advice on how to not get hungry. In my case i was this person bc they were free and local whereas ED RD was far away and expensive.
Proceed with caution
i also would be quite hesitant to work with an RD or CNS who didn't specialize in EDs. I think the Q to ask yourself is if you're strong enough to handle a bad appointment. If she ends up being not good and saying triggering things - about the obesity epidemic and low-fat snacks, etc. - will that trigger you? If it might, I wouldn't risk going. If you can handle the potential of a bad appointment like that, then you could give it a try. I feel the same bias towards RDs over CNS as you do, but it's possible she's an exception. The biggest concern is that she doesn't specialize in EDs. Honestly, probably if I were in your position, I'd think that J is the best option - and I'd just have to get over my fear of running into R and do what is best for me....
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