Thanks to those of you who validated my outrage at New Therapist Candidate #1. It's pretty disappointing, because I'd had high hopes for her and thought we were on the same page at our initial session. But it's better to figure this stuff out sooner rather than later, no? I have since left a message with Candidate #2 asking to schedule another appointment and hopefully this time, things will work out.
I forget if I told you guys this already, but I officially dumped R last week. Don't judge me: I did it via voicemail. It's crazy how nervous I was about it too—like, I was literally shaking as I dialed. I had planned out what to say, which essentially included: "I've decided to see someone else for a while, thanks for seeing me the past year-and-a-half and for everything that you've done." In my defense, I did leave my number and told him to call if he wanted to for whatever reason, but so far he hasn't. Whew. Even just thinking about it gets me wound up again. Have I mentioned how much I hate confrontation?
ED notes of the week: I've drastically cut down on weighing myself. I used to get on the scale obsessively twice day, but now it's maybe 2-3 times a week. Partly because the minute fluctuations don't bother me so much anymore (why hello, rational non-starved brain) and partly because I've realized that my body likes to hang onto a couple pounds of fluid or something after I lift weights, and I simply don't care to torture myself with the numbers anymore. Plus the fact that eating more + lifting weights will most likely lead to a few extra pounds of muscle over time, which doesn't bother me in theory although it's still no fun to see the number on the scale go up. Call it blissful ignorance, I suppose.
I went to a single girls' Valentine's Day gathering the other night at my friend's apartment, where I happily sipped hot chocolate and munched on popcorn. Yesterday I had a cookie as an afternoon snack, and went out to dinner with my aunt, uncle, and cousins who were passing through town. It's still kind of baffling that I can be so calm about food. I really think the exercise (however minimal) has made a huge difference in my rationalization process about how much I can eat. I've never had much interest in weight training as I never really saw it as a calorie-torcher (which was all I used to care about) but I do love how it makes my body feel. Yesterday I also managed to run for five minutes on the treadmill with no pain, although my lungs were screaming and my legs were wobbly all day afterwards.
Pain update: I think the hormones combined with PT are helping, at least a little. It's only been about eight weeks, and Dr. A said it could take up to 3-4 months before I see major improvement, so I'm staying optimistic. Daily life with walking around and sitting for any length of time is still a bit of a struggle, but I keep reminding myself that the end is in sight. Plus my eyes are feeling GREAT and having that weight off my shoulders is a huge relief.
Okay, gotta get back to school stuff! Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend, I'll keep you posted on the therapy saga!