I went through the same thing before my first appointment with R, but I'm SUPER nervous about seeing New Therapist Candidate tomorrow. Partly, it's going to be hard to go through my history with her. Most of all that crap still makes me upset to talk about, and I'm not good at articulating/condensing it. Plus, I've never chosen a therapist before, so I'm not really sure how to go about deciding whether or not she'll be a good fit for me. I really really really don't want to cry in front of her. I am also unsure of whether or not she might turn me down—I obviously have a complicated situation, and will be the first to admit that I am not the easiest patient to work with. As far as other options, I have a tentative consult set up with a second new candidate, but will probably cancel if tomorrow ends up going well.
On a related note...R. I've never dumped a therapist before (is it like dumping boyfriends? I've done plenty of that!) and I'm absolutely dreading the awkwardness. Do I have to go back and see him and talk in person, or is it okay to just call? ...I kind of don't want to spend $180 on "good-bye." Should I wait until after seeing New Therapist Candidate to decide? Should I tell him about her? UGH. This feels like a divorce. At least there are no kids involved.
So, I'm going to try being brave with New Therapist Candidate tomorrow and fill her in on as much as possible. If it scares her off, well then, she wasn't the right person anyway. Will keep you all posted!
Random recovery positive: my hair isn't falling out anymore. The difference is actually quite dramatic—no more strands on my pillow when I wake up in the morning, and no more thick clumps tangled up in my fingers when I run them through my hair after showering. I've only noticed the change in the past couple of months, but hopefully this means I won't be bald by thirty.
I really hope the appointment goes well! At least in my experience, the first appointment with a T is fairly straightforward and just a succinct summary of the "big stuff" that a person has experienced and hopes to accomplish. For me, it hasn't been an overly emotional appointment (re: you were worried about crying), just sort of gathering facts about each other. I hope it's a good fit/match!
ReplyDeleteMaybe hold off on calling R until after tomorrow? It is a bit iffy, but it might at least feel a little more secure to have a new T lined up before totally cutting off ties with R (not that you'll see him again, just for a bit of a secure feeling about your care). Just my two cents.
Congrats on the newly re-thickened hair! That's so wonderful! Seems like the hard work you've been doing is paying off in all sorts of ways!
Good luck tomorrow--and yes, be brave, I know you have that courage in you!