This is the longest I've gone without formal exercise in probably about three years. The inactivity is getting both harder and easier, if that makes sense. Harder because every day that goes by is another day to obsess about how fat and disgusting I must be getting. Easier because every day is another day that proves I can indeed function without exercise. The past week has been pretty rough in terms of my anxiety and grossness feeling, but I survived. I think the forced break might be easier to deal with next week, since I'm going home for Thanksgiving and my schedule will be messed up anyway.
At the risk of sounding neurotic and numbers-obsessed (who, me???), my weight has shot up about 2-3 pounds, which is not good for my mental health. I'm inclined to think it must be bloating/water retention/something to do with the Naproxen I've been on, since the gain happened instantly the day after I started taking the pills. Even though I have to convince myself of it sometimes, I DO know that weight gain doesn't happen magically and I'm trying to be rational about it. Still, it messes with my head. I do not appreciate unanticipated bodily changes. Take note, Body.
It never fails to surprise me that I still have an appetite, even when staying essentially sedentary. Yesterday and today, I literally sat with my butt glued to my desk chair ALL DAY. Not fun. I wasn't planning to restrict, but felt lazy and disgusting and couldn't imagine ever wanting to eat. Then, lo and behold, my stomach started making timid growly sounds and my head started getting that swimmy feeling and almost before I knew it, I was hungry. Huh. I guess I am alive.
Finally, for something unrelated to food or exercise: When S came to pick me up last night, I was feeling fat and crappy and not in the mood to go out. Then I opened the car door and, lying across the passenger side seat, were six pink roses. Boy done good.
These cold-turkey challenges are really rough, but don't forget to majorly congratulate yourself for not giving in to the anxiety and trying to push yourself while you're still injured. That's a damn sure way to damage yourself even more, and it's awesome that you've stayed strong.
ReplyDeleteI have heard that Naproxen can make you retain water, so I bet the gain is just that. Also, not sure how much of a sweater you are, but if you're not losing a good deal of water at the gym that could be a factor too.
I get the same "I haven't moved how am I hungry" surprise on car trips. I think we often tend to "unconsciously forget" that our bodies are machines that never turn off--your brain alone demands at least 25% of your calories, and your heart requires another big chunk...not things that you want to be running on fumes. Also, remember that your metabolism is like a smart grid that likes homeostasis, and will adjust itself . It's not uncommon for people with EDs to get a little hypermetabolic when they stop exercising, because all of the sudden your body doesn't have to go into between-workout hibernation mode to save energy for gym sessions.
S. sounds sweet! Glad you got a booster last night. ;)
He sounds like an awesome guy and I'm glad he got an initial :) That is significant!
ReplyDeleteI sometimes am HUNGRIEST when I've done nothing but sit around all day, so I can relate to that. I just try my best to eat what's on my meal plan and, if it's still hungry, to eat a little more. I personally trust my hunger cues (though not my fullness cues.) I think it's phenomenal that you are RESTING and I am so grateful that a trip home came at this time because it can provide more distraction and a break from your normal routine! Stay strong and enjoy being home as much as possible!