Thursday, November 24, 2011

Giving Thanks

I'm going to be highly unoriginal and use Thanksgiving as a chance to count my blessings.

What I'm thankful for this year:

- My mom and dad. Living at home with them earlier this year was not easy and our relationship really suffered, but they put up with my miserable existence throughout and made it clear that I was loved. They don't understand the ED, but always try to be supportive and have never once blamed me for my illness.

- My treatment team. In all honesty, I am a horrible patient. I'm terrible at following the meal plan, I clam up in therapy, and I've made zero progress weight-wise in ten weeks of treatment. My therapist and dietician, however, are infinitely patient and still seem to believe that I can recover. Even though they frustrate me sometimes, I trust them completely and wish that I were better at showing it.

- My friends. My social circle has narrowed drastically over the past two years - partly because of logistical reasons (I disappeared for a semester and then I moved off campus) but also because I've changed. Big groups and constant excitement don't really appeal to me anymore, but I have amazing, intense friendships with a few certain people. My roommate, for one, and my boyfriend (yup, I think it's official), for another. I am more honest and comfortable with them than I have been with anyone for a long time.

- My university. The administration and my professors were incredibly understanding when I  left unexpectedly last January. The entire situation was handled discreetly and professionally, and there was no problem whatsoever in allowing me to re-enroll this fall. I have taken amazing classes here and met the most interesting people. I shudder to think about how quickly college goes by.

- My body. No, really, hear me out. I know that I bitch incessantly about how it looks and feels, but really, my body has been pretty damn resilient. The anorexia has not caused any major physical problems that affect my day-to-day life. I've got all my senses intact. I can walk and talk. Yes, I have horrific body image, but that's hardly debilitating. Seriously, if my biggest complaints in life are appearance-related, then I must have a pretty awesome life.

I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving!

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