Tuesday, December 9, 2014
The Grouch Persists, and Feeling Alone
I told you I was feeling grouchy. I don't know if it's the culmination of a lot of niggling little things that have happened lately eating away at me, or if I'm just going through something weird, or the conversation with my mom that just happened in which she managed to make me feel 100% horrible about myself, but ugh. I am totally frustrated and angry and sad right now. Lotsa tears. These are the times when I really feel like my support system is lacking, because there is really no one I feel okay talking to about the stuff going through my head right now. These are also the times when I wonder, Am I totally fucked up? Or are these normal emotions? Sometimes I worry that because I've spent the last several years ill with an eating disorder, my brain hasn't caught up with the changes that happen to normal people between the ages of 19 and 24. And sometimes I worry that I worry too much, and that is why I can't just be normal and happy and okay.