Today marks one full week of Boost compliance. People, this is huge. I don't do Boost. Even when I'm doing really well and coming close to following the full meal plan, I ALWAYS skimp on supplements. There is not one square inch of my brain that can justify the logic of drinking liquified calories manufactured for the sole purpose of making me gain weight. INSANITY. But now, you know what? I'm sick and I want to get better, and calories are the cure. So I'm maybe kinda sorta seeing the point of Boost. Sorry it took me this long, R!
For some reason, I'm also finding it a lot easier to just drink a Boost every afternoon instead of trying to figure out how to add in more food. Basically, my meal plan hasn't really changed a whole lot over the last week (although I am adding some food, of course). The only major difference is the Boost. When I've tried to gain weight in the past, I wanted to micromanage every last calorie that went into my mouth. I would spend hours calculating various concoctions to fill my meal plan quota - which foods I could eat, how I could divide them up, what times I would eat, etc. Now, I really have no desire to do that again. I'm tired of food. Tired of eating it, tired of thinking about it, tired of caring about it. Whereas supplements always seemed like a waste of calories to me before, I'm now grateful to be able to up my intake without changing my daily routine all that much.
I hope it doesn't sound like I'm replacing food with Boost - I'm definitely not! My dietician gave me a pretty solid meal plan last Friday and I'm doing my best to follow it. It's just that for the first time ever, I think, I find myself preferring to just close my eyes, pinch my nose, slurp up my XXX calories of medicine, and go on with my day. Maybe it's because my primary motivation right now is restoring my health, and that makes it easier to see calories as serving some purpose beyond just chubbing me up. Never before have I seen calories in a positive light. I mean, I know they keep you alive and all, but my sole focus for much of the last eight or nine years has been to minimize calories. Calories were disgusting, evil things. It feels strange to really and truly understand that I need them.
Way to go you! It is definitely a sign of progress to see the calories as something you need whether you like it or not at this stage, and as you re-nourish yourself I bet the anxiety over exactly how to fill calorie quotas will ease up and become less of an issue over time. Major kudos for being committed to getting in the energy you need as you work towards that point. You rock, seriously.
ReplyDeleteThis is so awesome, way to go! It's great that not only are you being compliant about the Boost, but your attitude about it has also shifted towards "this is my medicine--I'm sick and want to get well." It's so wonderful that you're seeing calories as necessary and life-sustaining. I am definitely impressed.
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