Reading back over my last post, I realize it may seem like I'm in a pretty low place. I'm not. Actually, I'm doing really well. I love my new internship, my apartment, my friends, my city, and my Starbucks. I do not love Boost, weight gain, or hormone reactivation zits, but alas, life goes on. Yesterday, I saw R and we had what was, I think, one of the best sessions ever. Seriously, I felt validated and motivated and inspired. It was awesome. Go R.
It started when R asked about my eating this past week, and I said in a tiny little voice that I had actually done damn good, and that I was maybe sort of feeling a little bit more cooperative. He asked me what had changed, since I've never really admitted to feeling cooperative at all before. Without really thinking about it, I heard myself say: "I don't want to be sick anymore."
To say that R was ecstatic would be an understatement. I think I thrilled the poor guy's socks off. He took my quiet, wimpy little assertion and ran with it. We made a big long list of things that I'll be able to say when I'm truly "not sick anymore." I want to write them all down before I forget, and share them with you guys as well.
1) eating enough to maintain a healthy weight (ahem as defined by R and J)
2) having regular periods (Yes, every month. I KNOW. How do people do it? Tampons are expensive.)
3) not counting calories or measuring food
4) able to eat spontaneously and socially
5) not obsessive about food and/or weight
6) little to no anxiety about food
7) able to cope with non-food-related anxiety without resorting to unhealthy behaviors
8) no chronic health issues relating to malnutrition
9) balanced approach to body image (aka even if body image sucks, being able to shrug it off and move on sans meltdown)
10) accepting of myself (not relating to body image)
Anyone have anything to add to the list? My OCD is quite pleased to have a nice even ten, but I'd welcome suggestions!
In other news:
- I love my internship. Have I said that already? Don't care.
- As of this moment, I've got a 10-day streak going of full Boost compliance
- My phone broke. Boo. I've only had a smartphone for about six months, and I'm already unsure of how I'm going to survive the rest of the day without it. HOW AM I GONNA CHECK MY E-MAIL IN THE GROCERY STORE? OR AT THE GAS STATION?
Okay, that's all for now. Happy Thursday!