Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Dudes and Self-Doubt

UGH. YOU GUYS. Remember how I mentioned on my last post that I had gone out with this guy from college and he kinda sorta made it seem like he wanted it to be a date, and I pretty much decided I didn't? Well, I got home around 11:30 all stressed out about it and feeling like a huge bitch for not reciprocating with this super sweet, generous, gentlemanly guy...when I got a loooong text from the former New Dude who I dated briefly at the end of the summer, basically saying stuff like "I'm sorry if I pressured you or made you feel uncomfortable, and I just really like you and enjoyed spending time with you and I hope we can still be friends and yadda yadda yadda."

I didn't answer him at first (instead I called my best friend and vented for about an hour about how boys SUCK and then she reminded me that she is very happily in love with her boyfriend of over a year so I was like 'okay, you SUCK'). Anyway, I felt too mean ignoring Old New Dude completely, so eventually I texted back something lame like, "No need to apologize! It's all good!" and hoped that would be the end of it....but oh no, Old New Dude was not letting me off that easy. He texted me back about how he had been so worried I was mad, and he just really liked me and wanted to spend more time with me and hoped we could still be friends... And I just straight-up ignored that one.

But did Old New Dude take a hint? No. He texted me a couple times Sunday night asking about my weekend, and then again this morning commenting on the weather.

Honestly I feel bad because he seems kind of lonely and in need of a friend, but I don't think I can be that to him. And I think he needs to respect the fact that we tried it, it didn't work, and now I want to be left alone.

I hate these situations. My gut tells me this guy isn't right for me, and that my college friend isn't either. My mom keeps telling me to hold out for the right guy. But at times like these, when I know I'm hurting someone who would probably make a great, loving boyfriend, it feels like there's something wrong with me for closing myself off and not going with it.


  1. Duuuude. Someone who makes a great loving boyfriend, who has good intentions, is a good person etc etc etc.... does not in any way shape or form obligate you to be their girlfriend.

    Someone pressuring you, even if their intentions are good, is a strong sign they're not right for you, and maybe are even a smidge toxic for you.

    The right guy for you is someone you want to spend time with, not someone you think you should spend time with/owe an explanation to etc.

    There is absolutely zero things wrong with not being with a guy who seems nice. Nope. I've been there, got into that relationship, and felt even worse breaking it off a few months later when i was like, just, no... I didn't have feelings for him. And pretending to/assuming I would eventually just made me all squirmy and didn't work out well.

    No one is entitled to your time. Never. (Well, maybe your parents or something, but you know...) You going on a date/texting/whatever doesn't oblige you to continue talking with people.

    Embrace introversion, it's okay.

  2. He might be a nice guy but if you don't feel it - then he is not the right one for you. I would wait till you find someone who makes you feel giddy and someone you want to be around all the time, you know? I know its hard to say no to someone cause you do t want to hurt their feelings but you know how you feel and if that person is right for you or not. And he will get the hint eventually :)