Saturday, August 30, 2014

Long Weekend, Minus a Dude

Ahh, long weekend is here at last. School has totally rolled me over, but I think I've got things under control. My classes are relatively demanding after a couple of so-so semesters in terms of workload/difficulty, so I am happy to be challenged albeit a tad stressed. Like I mentioned before, I am doing a ton of work with my advisor which is also exciting and challenging, but will definitely all be worth it (if I survive).

New Dude and I are donezo, for those of you who may not have seen my comment on my last post. I basically decided very suddenly that I did NOT want to be in a relationship with him, and that it really was more about him than about my crazy schedule or any other 'life circumstances' excuse I could use to justify keeping him around. He is a sweetheart and certainly treated me well and would have been a great boyfriend, but I was frankly just not interested in or attracted to him that much. He's too self absorbed. Too much in his own head. I don't mean that in a bad or judgmental way; he had a pretty fucked up childhood, and I think he is now very much concerned with living his life in a very thoughtful and deliberate way, which means a very simple, quiet, and cerebral type of lifestyle. Which is fine, but I don't really think it's the best thing for me right now. I don't particularly want to be with someone who is more down, more reserved, and more isolated than me—which I think New Dude is. I think I need someone who more outgoing, more fearless, and more naturally optimistic.

And once I made that decision, I just wanted it DONE. So on Wednesday night I got some moral support from my best friend, planned out what I wanted to say, then called him up and did the deed. He took it relatively well, considering. But then we just kept being overly polite and thanking each other for our HONESTY and RESPECT and I couldn't get off the damn phone. And he backed off for a couple days, but then he started texting me all the time again! Not like creepy I-want-you-back type stuff, just small talk...and I'm like hello, I thought this was taken care of. I guess I'm fine being 'just friends' with him, but he's texting me about as much as he did before, with no real acknowledgement that the nature of things have changed, and that he is no longer New Dude but Ex-Dude. So, I am confused. And a little irritated.

Otherwise though, things are good. I am running around like a crazy person most of the time, meeting-class-work-class-meeting-lab-more work--more class etc. Mostly it is all good, engaging stuff, but the tidal wave of new responsibilities definitely has me a bit rattled. I haven't been sleeping well, so I'm perpetually exhausted. Plus, College City has been unbelievably hot and humid recently, which is completely draining. Hopefully things will cool off, settle down, and give me a chance to develop some type of rhythm in the coming weeks. But I can't promise I won't complain/cry/bitch about it anyway.

Hope everyone has a lovely Saturday and holiday weekend.

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