I am warning you ahead of time, this post is going to be bitter and cranky and just plain mean.
I am feeling so many unexplainable ups and downs these days. Sometimes I am totally fired up and excited for the future, and other times I am completed bogged down with everything I have to do. Obviously I'm doing too many things right now and that isn't sustainable, I know that. But I don't really have a choice. All the stuff that I want to quit, I can't. My internship, which is required for my degree program, is boring and unfulfilling and I can't believe I have to work there until May. UGH. Then there's my regular job, which is mostly fine because I like my boss and the hours are flexible, but I don't really love the work I'm doing there and would quit in a heartbeat if that were financially feasible. Then there's school, which I mostly like but am just plan tired. Then there's my research, which I love, and would spend all my time working on if I could.
I guess this is just the nature of the masters program, and I cannot WAIT to be done and start my doctorate. I am so sick of getting pulled in a million directions and getting zero appreciation from anyone for how hard I'm working.
I saw my cousin this weekend and all she did was complain complain complain about how many hours she works, how hard her job is, and how tired she is. She is a new nurse working three 12-hour shifts per week. Now, I KNOW it is a tough schedule. I KNOW that nurses deserve a special place in heaven for what they do. And I KNOW that I'm about to sound like a snotty brat for what I'm about to say....but you know what, I work 12-hour days every fucking day of the week. Between my three jobs, I work over 40 hours per week and then OH YEAH I'm a full-time student. So, frankly, she needs to find someone else to complain to because I have no sympathy left.
I don't think I would be this pissed off and frustrated with my schedule if I didn't feel so under-appreciated. At my internship, I show up dutifully three days a week and pretty much either no one notices, or they give me shit work that a toddler could do. Then I show up at my job, and they ask me to me to make copies or update the website or deliver mail. Then I'm expected to show up at class and perform, go home and do my homework and perform some more, and then wake up the next morning and do it all over again. I am TIRED.
I am also lonely, because I have very little time for a social life and all my friends are basically in my same program anyway. I would like to meet people outside of school because I'm sick of school, but I don't know how and I don't have the time or energy to be creative about it.
Sorry there was no point to this post other than venting. I know things will get better - the semester is almost over, and then I have just one semester left until I graduate. So, almost there.