Well, I think the Holiday Season is officially over, as both my parents went back to work today and I have the house to myself for the first time since I've been back in Home City. It won't stay like that for long, since my roommate is coming tonight to stay for about a week—about which I am simultaneously excited, nervous, and stressed. My roommate is great and has been my rock throughout the past year at school when I hit some of my lowest points ever both physically and emotionally (she's the friend who came to therapy with me a couple weeks ago), but when it comes to losing my alone time and sharing my space, I got ISSUES.
Of course I'm uneasy about how the next week will go down in terms of meals, snacks, treats, drinks, unexpected outings, etc., but Roommate knows ALL about my ED and food-related neuroticism, and is extremely sensitive and nonjudgmental or pressuring about it, so I really shouldn't be concerned. And overall, I feel like things are going pretty well anyway. I'm eating about what I should be, and my weight is holding pretty steady. Of course, it's holding steady at a number way higher than I would like, but if that's what it takes to keep the rest of me healthy, then I think I can learn to be okay with it. My gut instinct is still always to restrict and consider it a bonus if I get to end of the day short on calories, but I'm getting better at consciously making them up, even if I'm not very hungry or interested. Roomie is a great role model for me in terms of eating, as she has a healthy appetite and zero pickiness issues whatsoever, so I'm looking forward to having her around and continuing to work on variety.
Oh, and I thought you guys might find it interesting/amusing/depressing/whatever to learn that not only anorexics have an absurd fear of fat.
I hope you and your roommate have a great time together! Really awesome that she's so supportive and understanding about the ED stuff, and also a really good model for healthy behavior. It helps to have people around who are both supportive and really healthy to observe. I hope the visit goes well and is really low-stress!
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