On the school front, the semester is getting started and deadlines are mounting. I have a big thesis milestone in about two weeks, and then the final draft is due about two weeks after that. Then we go on spring break, and I'll defend the week we get back. Can't believe how fast things are going.
Random book recommendation: The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman. It's quite illuminating and thought-provoking. Especially as I'm coming from a patient's perspective, it gave me a lot to mull over regarding clinicians, quality of care, medical ethics, etc.
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In other news: the more I think about it, the more confident I am about my decision to stop seeing R. Although I don't feel great about the whole situation, it really is time. My only question now is whether or not to try to find someone new for the rest of the semester. There's a chance that I will be leaving College City for good in mid-May, which would mean that I'd only have 3-4 months max with the new person. Given how long it takes me to warm up to someone, I'm not sure if that would be at all productive. I am feeling much more emotionally stable and functional compared to most of last year, so I could conceivably be fine without therapy; plus, the ED stuff is vastly more under control that it's ever been, so I would feel comfortable getting some distance from College City's Major ED Treatment Clinic, which is where I go now, and potentially seeing someone who doesn't necessarily specialize in EDs. But regardless, it still scares me a little not to have any safety net in place.
I think that's most of what's on my mind today. Take care, everyone!
Would you still see your dietitian?
ReplyDeleteHi Laura—I actually haven't seen my dietician in about 3 months anyway, but if the need arose then yes, I would definitely go back to her. I am also planning to stick with my psychiatrist, who works out of the same clinic and has been nothing but wonderful to me.
Deleteok, cool. It's always interesting to me when people stop the dietician before therapy. That's not to criticize that choice - tons of people do it with success. For me, I did therapy and RD weekly for long into recovery and even after I started considering myself recovered. At some point, I stopped therapy but even now, I still do dietitian weekly - just to work every last little kink out with food, to become a more sane eater than the average person, and to really maintain that level of behavioral recovery. Maybe I see the food part of recovery as the main part of recovery? I don't know...
Deletehmm that is very interesting. I suppose if the main concern is maintaining healthy eating habits and not falling into old behavioral traps, then it is very useful to keep seeing a dietician. I probably would have stayed with my old one in Home City had I not relocated to College City, just because we clicked well and I liked having concrete assignments and goals each week. At the moment, the depression is a much bigger concern than the eating part, so I feel like I need the deep icky "learn how to cope with your feelings" treatment more than the "did you eat your meal plan" treatment. Also, my current ED recovery motivation is very much coming from within this time around, so I honestly don't think it would make much difference whether I was checking in with an RD or not. (I don't have a very good track record of being compliant if I didn't want to be.) On the other hand, if having that external reinforcement helps someone maintain healthy habits while they struggle with self-motivation, then I think that seeing an RD consistently would be a very smart move.
DeleteWhat you said: "I feel like I need the deep icky "learn how to cope with your feelings" treatment" is a very good reason to find a new therapist. Totally understand your reasoning re: the dietitian, btw.
DeleteI like the title alliteration :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad things are feeling more clear about your decision to stop seeing R. Even if you were seeing someone who doesn't specialize in EDs, it seems like it might be worth it to at least have someone to check in with on the mood front, just to be on the safe side. With the impending stress of thesis and school stuff, along with a potential move from College City, it might be helpful to check in with someone to make sure you're staying emotionally stable. Maybe not weekly, but just so you have a number to call and a person you know if you need the support. Just my thoughts. I like safety nets, especially in the area of health. Good luck with it all!
The book looks good, thanks for the recommendation! Hope the thesis stuff goes well, I'm sure you'll be amazing in your defense!
THANK YOU. I struggle mightily to think of titles for these darn things, since I'm often rambling and can't come up with a clever way to tie everything up.
DeleteI too like safety nets! I actually just talked to Mama Bear on the phone and she is requiring me to find a new therapist for the rest of the year, so I guess that's going to be my project this week!
Yay for Mama Bear's request! Really great that she's on the same page and totally supportive of you shopping around for a new T! I've done a ton of searches and dealings with finding T's (during college and MS), so let me know if you need any help, advice, or just need to vent about the process :) Good luck!
DeleteI think it does sound like you're making a good decision on R, and I know it can be hard to figure out treatment options when you're not going to be in a place for much longer. One caution I would issue is that it is SO easy to have unintentional, unanticipated slips that can snowball if you're not accountable to some external observer like a therapist...so I'd definitely encourage you to find someone new as soon as it's feasible, with the caveat of course that sometimes it's not feasible to do right away (like if you only have 3 months left in a place). BUT none of that is to diminish the very real and very awesome progress that you've made, of course.
ReplyDeleteI heart book recommendations, clicking over to Amazon to check that one out.
I don't know why but it always makes me chuckle out loud when you swear on this blog. Random observation, I guess. No breaking your damn neck please! And yes winter is the pits.
Good luck with the thesis; I've got no doubt you'll do an excellent job!