Thursday, March 15, 2012

Checking In

Oops, I forgot to mention that I would be out of town this week. So far it has been a fantastic vacation - lots of hiking and sunshine and wildlife. I am not usually a big nature person (I love it in theory, but all the dirt/bugs/sweat/greasy sunscreen/snakes/poison ivy? No thanks, not so much.) but I am actually having a great time. It feels so good to be physically active again, to feel my body working and moving the way a twenty-one-year-old body should.

Still, the unpredictability-factor definitely messes with me. We've taken a couple of full day-long excursions into the mountains that throw me for a loop in terms of what clothes and paraphernalia I need to bring, what snacks to pack, when/where we get meals, etc. but so far, the pay off has outweighed the anticipatory anxiety every time. I am laughing and chatting and generally feeling more like myself than I have in a while.

Also, I haven't had access to a scale all week. That makes it a bit easier to eat without stressing about what the scale will say in the morning, but my body image is horrendous. Ew yuck gross shoot me now. Last night I was looking through the pictures my dad had taken from the past few days, and literally pondered the possibility of never appearing in public again. But I'm trying not to dwell on that, and trying not to let it ruin an otherwise wonderful trip.

Just wanted to post a quick update before we head out for the day. Be back for real soon!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Kaylee!

    I often feel the same way when I look at photos of myself. I think: How can anybody look at me and think I am too thin? Why does my boyfriend think I'm attractive?

    These are all awful questions that those with EDs likely ask themselves often but it is because we have a very, very warped view of our faces and our bodies.

    I have kept my scale in my closet for the past several days & it has definitely made me less anxious about my weight. I don't think it makes much sense to get worked up about my weight every single morning, because as we all know so well, we need to eat an additional 3,500 calories on top of our daily number of calories we eat to maintain our weight in order to weight just ONE POUND of body fat. That's entire New York cheesecake on top of 3 meals and 3 snacks per day in order to ACTUALLY gain 1 pound!!! I always remind myself that when the scale doesn't show what I "want" it to I've decided to try to weigh only 1x/week...definitely a more accurate reading and it makes me less obsessive!

    Try to not go through your dad's photos and focus on yourself...I know it's SO hard not to. I always go through friend's and family member's cameras after holidays/social events and delete all of the "ugly" and "fat" photos of me...but if you don't search through them, then you don't have the opportunity to feel bad about your appearance!!! Enjoy your vacation and cherish your time away from the scale...and stay away from that camera!! :-)

    Take care!