Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Women's Food

Thank you sir, for documenting what your wife describes so aptly as: "the bullshit I'm subjected to."

On Special K: "A cereal that's long been marketed as diet food for women. Not because it's particularly healthy or anything, but because if you replace full meals with Special K you'll essentially starve, which is definitely one way to lose weight."

On Luna bars: "At least Luna Bars are positioned as healthy, not just low-calorie."

On Activia: "It's diet food masquerading as yogurt Pepto."

On Lean Cuisine's Spa Collection: "An attempt to draw women in by evoking cucumber eye masks and orange-rind water" and "The kind of food you eat and then immediately forgot you ate, both because the flavors are so anodyne and because you're still hungry afterward."

On Skinnygirl popcorn: "Only 'skinny' because the bag is the size of a baby's head, not a whole baby, like most popcorn bags."

On Skinny Cow's ice cream bars: 'Legitimately delicious, even if Skinny Cow is the worst name for a food product since Argentina's Barfy burger."

Now excuse me-pardon me-don't mind me my life is just sooooo crazy I'm gonna go take a quick break with my thumbnail-sized brownie.


  1. I think my favorite line among several gems might be his description of the Special K box: "...which was printed with an image of a purse and its spilled contents (as if a woman taking the Special K Challenge has just passed out on the floor)"