Spending my Saturday working. Again. And feeling pretty darn lonely, like all my friends have moved away again and I am exhausted and overwhelmed by the thought of having to start over with new peeps again. It takes me a while to warm up to people; I'm not shy, really, but I am reserved and introverted and wary of letting people in. And sometimes it feels like I am still shell-shocked with everything my brain and body and heart have been through over the past few years, and that it is more important to protect myself, keep myself on the straight-and-narrow, not do anything too wild and crazy, that I am passing up chances to put myself out there, develop new relationships, and just like be a normal person who doesn't freak out and overthink everything.
I'm not intentionally isolating myself, but I do find myself being extra wary of surrendering my independence, my routine, my emotional security. It feels safe but it also feels limiting. I don't know if it is more important to figure out how to just be okay with myself first, or to say screw it and take risks and be spontaneous and accept that things might be scary and out of control and potentially disastrous.
Sorry this is vague. I'm not having a terrible time, just a slightly down period. Sometimes weekends are wonderful, and sometimes they are really hard.