Feeling kind of down tonight, in a really weird way. I'm sitting here reading the news and working on my anthropology paper and realizing that there is so much need in the world, and I've got every privilege and intention in the world that would allow me to help. But instead of feeling inspired and empowered, I'm feeling defeated.
My body is broken. I'm in pain. I am not living life the way I want and I'm not accomplishing the things I want because I physically can't do it. Things have improved some—my pain levels are vastly lower than they were even just two or three months ago. So things are looking up and I have no reason to believe that things won't continue to improve...but, you know. For the most part, I'm past the point of worrying that this nerve pain will last forever, but I'm also sick and tired of waiting for it to end.
I'm not depressed, just frustrated. And so, so tired. I want to do good things in the world. I have so much to give. Just wish this damn body would give me the chance.
I'm really sorry this has you down, and that you're so worn out. The pain and stalled progress on the things you want to do are so difficult to deal with, and I really feel for you. I know it's incredibly hard to keep having patience about your body healing itself.
ReplyDeleteBUT, keep this in mind: whether you can see it or not, in spite of the pain and major obstacles you've faced, you have already done some amazing and inspirational things in your personal, academic, and professional life. I absolutely believe that when you're pain-free and completely healthy, you will do even more incredible things. Girl, you're gonna do some awesome stuff with all of the insight, passion, and drive that you have. Just hang in there--amazing things are in store for you, I really believe it.