Thursday, December 27, 2012

Holiday Reflections and Exercise Thoughts

I must say, Christmas went much better this time around compared to last year. It seems crazy to me that a whole year has passed since I wrote that because in a lot of ways, I feel like I haven't really moved forward all that much. This past year has been the absolute hardest, worst year of my life, and often it felt like the days were dragging. But now looking back, it feels like time has flown.

On Christmas morning, we woke up, opened presents, made breakfast, went on a family walk (minus my brother....Big B is NOT into nature), then came home and chilled out for a while before my mom and I made dinner—steaks, shiitake mushrooms, brussel sprouts, roasted potatoes, beer bread, and chocolate whiskey cake. I ate really well and enjoyed the meal very much, except that I skipped the potatoes, cake, and wine. Sue me; I'm anorexic.


Overall, my mood is worlds better than it has been for much of the past several months. I haven't cried ONCE since being home, which is actually a huge deal, sadly enough. I'm going a little stir-crazy sitting around all the time, but I'm still not able to exercise and I have tons of thesis work to do over the break so I've been parked in front of my computer all week.

I just really miss working out. You would think I'd be used to the sedentary life by now, but it seems to get harder and harder all the time. It's not even an obsessive ED thing anymore; I just miss the feeling. And I do think I'd like my body better if I were active and in shape. Both my parents are super consistent exercisers, and it's driving me nuts to watch them head out to the gym while I'm stuck at home. In time, Kaylee. In time. I've been trying to go for walks and do push-ups and abs stuff at home, but it's just not the same. Any suggestions? New Dr. A was pretty adamant about the fact that I should probably avoid strenuous exercise FOREVER, but I'm not sure I'll be able to stick to that. I'm assuming that if I eat enough to compensate and am still getting periods, it's probably okay...right? I'd be super careful to no overdo it, but I can't imagine giving up running for life. He recommended yoga, which I've never had patience for in the past, but maybe I'll give it another shot. Can't hurt.


My mother, who teaches fifth grade by day and moonlights as a rapper by night, is currently bouncing around the house singing "Shake it to the ground and bring it back up, twirl it all around, YEAH YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP." I think that's my cue to intervene. This is mortifying for all involved.

9 comments:

  1. i am the same way when it comes to exercise. i am in love with Zumba and the feeling i get from it - and it doesn't feel like exercise cause you are dancing! that might be too strenuous though... what about pilates or ballet exercises? I have a ballet video that I do a few times a week at nights before bed and i always feel good afterwards. pilates is good too cause you can go at your own pace and modify exercises if they hurt. walks are always good - not in the cold weather though... or, swimming? i love swimming. i don't know if you have a gym pass or could get one just to use the swimming pool... just some thoughts cause i love the feeling i get from exercise and movement too.

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    1. I've heard Zumba is so much fun! A girl I worked with this summer came in every morning still bouncing around because she was so hyped up from her Zumba class, haha. And Pilates is a fantastic idea. My friend and I used to take a class at the gym and I loved it. I will definitely give that another try—thanks Jenn!

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  2. I am so, so glad to hear that your Christmas went better this year than last. It's just a wonderful feeling, no?

    I totally relate about the exercise. My dietitian and I are in a constant battle over whether or not I'm allowed to exercise and what kind of exercise is okay. When I'm at my set point and eating consistently, there are no restrictions, but let's just say that is not usually the case. ;-)

    I have really become a fan of yoga. My dietitian is okay with it because the calories burned are fairly negligible and I like it because, as you said, it's nice to feel my body move. It builds surprising strength and lots of flexibility and is really good for my mind and soul. And it still offers the same sort of "competitiveness" with myself that my old exercise routine provided, except now I'm working on going deeper into a pose, working on a balancing pose, etc -- instead of trying to take minutes off my mile.

    Check with your doctor, of course. I don't know with your pain issues if yoga (or certain types of yoga) would be contraindicated -- or, hell, maybe it could even help!

    Love,
    Jess

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    1. yes, it's amazing how many holidays I've wasted being withdrawn and grumpy and difficult about food. I hope you had a nice Christmas too!

      People keep recommending yoga to me so I guess I should give it another shot. It's probably the kind of thing that takes practice and consistency to really get into, and I'm super inflexible so it would probably be good for me! thanks for the suggestion!

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    2. It definitely took me a while to get into the practice (it was pretty much forced on me during my time in treatment, lol), but now I can't go more than a day or two without a good yoga. I'm super inflexible as well, but I am slowly -- VERY SLOWLY -- gaining flexibility. And strength.

      Let me know if you want any ideas of where to begin. I've got a copy of YogaJournal that's got some good home practices that I can send to you when I'm finished reading it!

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  3. Sounds like a lovely (and delicious!) Christmas! The exercise part is hard, and I totally second Jenn's suggestions of pilates or swimming. Since swimming is so low impact, do you think Dr. A and your Dietish might approve it if you work out the specific calories to add if/when you swam? Hope something works out for you!

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    1. Dr. A talked a lot about how my brain/body is probably always going to be vulnerable to the effects of intense and/or over-exercise, and how I'll always have to be mindful of that and make sure I'm eating well and resting enough to compensate. I think Pilates would be great since I have like zero muscles—I've always just been a runner, without paying attention to strength-training or flexibility or anything. My scrawny biceps are a common source of amusement for my friends. I used to swim some, so I should definitely try getting back into that again. thanks alie!

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  4. I know this is a really tough issue and have a ton of respect for how strong you've stayed in adhering to your exercise ban for now. Hopefully getting better to ensure you can indeed start working out again in the future is a comfort/motivation, but I know it's really hard.

    I concur that yoga can be a good option, although some yoga classes/videos/etc capitalize on the nation's weight loss obsession and are glorified cardio workouts without incorporating the mindfulness component that is important for *real* yoga. There's plenty of great yoga out there, of course, just a slight disclaimer I guess.

    I'm also a HUGE fan of strength training. It will make you feel like you had a really great, thorough workout without spending hours and hours at the gym(to be honest, doing a set of reps with a challenging weight gets my heart rate way higher than an hour on the elliptical), it's good for your bones and heart as well as your muscles, you can isolate lower/upper body if you're having leg joint problems, etc etc. It can also ease anxiety about weight gain if you can see muscles developing. It's also harder to abuse than cardio, because at some point your muscles will just quit cooperating with the lifts and all you can do is go home, ha...

    I know this is tough and hope you know you have tons of support and I think you're doing a fantastic job, hang in there. I hope you find a solution that gives you what you need.

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    1. thanks, I remember reading about when you "discovered" weight training and how beneficial it's been for you. I've recently started getting back into baby weight training (aka push-ups, planks, etc.) but my friend, who has been lifting for years, has promised to show me my way around the weight room whenever I'm up for it. I've always had lil string bean arms that could certainly use some buffing up, so getting into strength training is for sure on my bucket list. Thanks Cammy!

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