Despite all the crap that's been weighing me down for the past year+, I am finally taking serious, concrete steps towards planning for my future. Many many times over the past several months, I've refused to even think about this stuff because I couldn't imagine getting through the next hour or day or week, much less two years or ten years in the future. It was just depressing to think about all the stuff I could be doing, and how my health was ruining any hope of that, and how maybe it just wasn't even worth trying anymore.
So this morning, for the first time in a long time, I'm feeling a smidge hopeful - excited, even. As I'm pounding away at grad school application essays and tweaking my resume and nailing down letters of recommendation, I'm seeing fleeting glimpses of my old ambitious, hardworking, persistent self. I've missed her a lot, and I really hope she sticks around.