Friday, December 21, 2012

Light at the End of the Tunnel

I promise, this is the last doctor appointment recap I'll be doing in a while (because I have no more appointments until I go back to College City and see R in mid-January), but I had to post something. I am so overwhelmed with relief and gratitude that I almost don't know what to do with myself right now. Yesterday, I saw a new chronic pain doctor in Big Home City and, you guys, he told me I'm going to be just fine. Whereas everyone else—including the "specialists" in College City—told me that my pain was incurable and there were no options besides staying on the evil drugs for life, new Dr. A had answers. And guess what? I'm not crazy. The pain was completely hormone-related, and the solution involves a hormone replacement-type compound (sort of like the opposite of birth control). And I am under strict orders to never ever ever overexercise or restrict to the point of losing my period ever again.

I'm kind of pissed off that every other doctor ignored my gut feelings and assumed that I didn't know my own body. But honestly, I'm not wasting any time on being angry or bitter anymore, because maybe now I can actually get my life back. Well, backtracking—this isn't going to be an instant cure, and the doctor told me it could take at least 2-3 months before I notice any difference in my pain levels. But when I asked him if I were really going to get better, given what all the other doctors said, he responded without a second's hesitation, "You're going to be totally fine."

Basically, Dr. A has made his life's work researching the kind of pain (hip, pelvic, lower back) that I have, and knows vastly more about it than 90% of the other doctors out there. I'm not going to start singing his praises from the rooftops just yet (at least not until my pain is actually better), but he seemed to know immediately what was wrong with me and how to treat it. Besides the hormones, I'm supposed to keep up with PT and use Valium (Kaylee's Little Helper!) as a muscle relaxant at night.

The other point Dr. A made was this: the problem was unquestionably caused by my anorexia. The several years I went being underweight and without getting periods threw my whole system out of whack so that my muscles atrophied, my nerves were damaged, and my poor body didn't really stand a chance. The absolute worst thing I could do right now, or ever, would be to start losing weight and digging myself back into that hole. The doctor was super encouraging and congratulatory about how far I've come in recovery, but really stressed the fact that I will always be vulnerable, and that I cannot ever let myself get sick again.

So, you guys, if there is anyone out there still struggling—whether it be with an eating disorder or pain or some other medical problem or whatever—and you haven't been able to find relief and the doctors aren't helping you, I'm here to say: hang in there. There is hope. I've seen over twenty doctors in the last year, and only TWO of them have done any good whatsoever. All doctors are NOT created equal, and it may take some digging to find a really good one. Only in the last month have I found any relief for my eyes, and only since yesterday for the pain, and I have come so close to giving up so many times. I can't tell you how many days I came home and crawled into bed and cried because I thought there was no end in sight. So, if you're hurting and you haven't found a solution, keep looking. Don't give up.

Anyway, sorry to bombard you with news of all my appointments, but I just had to share this—especially since I've subjected the blog world to my constant griping and whining about this for so long. Love you all very much.


  1. Congratulations!!! I'll keep my fingers crossed that you see dramatic improvement in the coming months.


  2. So so thrilled for you! He sounds like a wonderful doctor; really glad you were able to see him. I think it's great that you kept searching for answers even when other doctors didn't know what to do. It paid off--someone was out there to help you! Hope the new meds start working soon!