Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Appointment Nerves

Ugh, I am so anxious right now—I have appointments with both my ED doctor and my psychiatrist this evening. Even though I definitely need to see both of them, I'm just so not up for talking about all my shit right now. Plus, I don't know what to eat or drink today, because I don't know whether or not the doctor is going to weigh me. Obviously I should eat and drink my normal meal plan, know.

I feel fat. It's silly to feel self- conscious about my weight in front of my ED treatment team, but that's just how it goes.

It shouldn't be this nerve-wracking to see the doctor. I see doctors all the damn time. I just wish they could fix me instead of passing me off. On the plus side, both Dr. C and Dr. L are wonderful and nice and won't make me feel bad like some other doctors who shall remain nameless  (ahem gynecologist, first three ophthalmologists, and pain specialist). Still for some reason I'm super duper stressed out about seeing them.

ARGH damn this eating disorder. Off to eat breakfast now.


  1. I hate that things are stressful for you right now. I've always had a ton of anxiety about eating on potential weigh in days too...but I've found that the stress and potential trigger/setback of manipulating food based on weighs is usually way more trouble than just getting it over with, and if it eases your mind you can mention, "by the way I had a big lunch right before I came" or whatever--professionals realize people have stuff inside their stomachs at most times of the day.

    I know the runaround between doctors etc can be frustrating, and I hope things get easier soon. Thinking of you.

  2. Really hope the appointment went well, I was sending good thoughts your way! I get really nervous about weigh-ins with anybody but my D also (ok, even with him too), so I totally get that. All day it's "should I eat or drink this? Will it mess with my weight?" Yuck. I hope it went well and that the doctors were helpful and optimistic!

  3. I totally understand the anxiety surrounding getting weighed and the desire to restrict or act on behaviours before the weigh-in. I struggle with it at every single dietary appointment!

    I hope your appointments went well and were helpful and encouraging, especially as you head into the holiday break.

    How are the eyeballs doing, btw?

    1. eyeballs are doing GREAT, thanks for asking!! I am still kind of in disbelief about it—they haven't felt this good in at least a year.