Oh Dr. R. Why is it that I decide practically weekly that you're annoying and out of touch and I don't need you, and then somehow you convince me otherwise?? We had a good session yesterday, mostly because I was being rational and didn't cry through the entire fifty minutes like last week. We're at kind of a crossroads because food had been going super super well for several weeks, but now this medication has sort of thrown a wrench in my routine. I'm really freaking out about weight gain, and it's not making the meal plan go down any easier. I'm not restricting, but I'm definitely not eating freely. Plus my body image is pretty horrendous, I'm isolating myself like crazy, and I'm super stressed out about school. Other than that, things are great!
R wanted to debrief about last week a bit, since I had been a total wreck and he was, to use his words, "At a loss." Didn't exactly inspire confidence in his therapeutic abilities, although I suppose I had been less than helpful and just kind of cried quietly for an hour and then left. Yesterday, we spent some time talking about my new med, which is stressing me out a lot, although I'm trying to come to terms with it. We made a pro/con list, which helped a bit, except that pro/con lists are kind of depressing when it's less about pros vs. cons and more about bad vs. worse. I got a little miffed when R said something about "emotional distress" contributing or intensifying physical pain, which I took to imply that the pain is all in my head. I'm sure that's not what he meant, but it still bugged me. I think he could tell, though, and he backed off pretty quick.
A related funny: This column is old, but I came across it today and I'm roaring. The line about "let's not get caught up in numbers" especially. I swear, that could've been taken directly out of R's mouth.