Finally, I got through an entire appointment without my dietician telling me ONCE that I needed to eat more. I've been seeing her for just about a year now, and I can say with confidence that every single session has included some variation of the phrase: "What can we add to your meal plan this week?" But my medication is officially making me gain weight, and not even J could justify adding more food. Well, she mused briefly about whether or not increasing the MP would boost my metabolism, but I shut that theory down pretty quick. In the end, she backed off and told me to keep things the same for another week and see what happens. Not sure whether to laugh or cry about that. Well, I mean, obviously I cried.
Thinkingpositivethoughts. My friend E and I were laying out in the grass the other day between classes, just chatting it up and enjoying the sunshine while it lasted (College City weather is unpredictable, to put it mildly). She mentioned to me that she'd had a bout of really intense anxiety at the end of last semester, and was now taking medication for it and feeling a LOT better. And you know what? My first thought wasn't: WELL GREAT, THERE'S ANOTHER PERSON WHO ISN'T AS MISERABLE AS ME. Instead, I was positively thrilled for her and wanted to jump up and down and give her a big hug. It feels different to be happy for someone else, you know? Less selfish, more genuine and real. Plus, hanging out with her gave me a HUGE boost. Does that make me selfish again?
My brother sent my parents and I an e-mail earlier this week, basically checking in on everyone. September 11 was pretty traumatic for all of us back in 2001, so it was nice to sort of come together and remember it. I'm a little ashamed that I spent the day this year worrying about my dysfunctional reproductive system rather than reflecting on the tragedy, so consider this my belated memorialization. Don't worry about me going all political or crazy-patriotic on you, but I really really love this country. Not sure how many international readers I have (hi international readers!) but the US rocks and you should ALL come visit someday. If you make it to College City, chances are you'll get to experience all four seasons within 24 hours! It's a real national treasure, let me tell you. P.S. Bring an umbrella.
I am failing to recall whether or not I started writing this post with an overarching theme in mind, because it seems to have devolved into what one might call random. Let's see: we've got my weight, my friend, my big brother, 9/11, some American pride, the weather... In the spirit of continuing the randomness, I bought a new brand of bread today at the grocery store. Stay tuned as the drama unfolds.
I remember that day so well, even though I live in Ireland the enormity of what had happened did not escape me. I light a candle every year for the 2752 people who lost their lives.
ReplyDeleteI've only been to the states once, New York and there are so many places I would love to visit.
One of the many things I'm missing out on due to my eating disorder.
Maybe someday.
I'm glad you're doing well x
Sounds like the appointment with J, although upsetting in some respects, was also refreshing, in that you seem to be doing well with the mealplan! And I know weight-gain is so scary, but hang in there, you can get through this, I just know it!
ReplyDeleteThe conversation with your friend sounds so wonderful for both of you! You're so sweet and compassionate; I'm glad she felt comfortable talking about it with you and that it was a positive experience for both of you! I'm really sorry that 9/11 brings up a lot of traumatic feelings for you, I hope you're doing ok. Very nice of your brother to send the e-mail.
And good luck with the bread, I'll be anxious to hear about it!
Every time you write about your College City, I wonder if we went to the same college. But I know we didn't because mine definitely did not have an ED treatment center near it.
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