Today was one of my co-workers' last day at work, so a few of us went out for a farewell lunch. Of course, I spent the morning stressing and freaking out and secretly trying to look up the menu online (what kind of restaurant doesn't have a website these days? What century is this??) and then eventually just went and ordered and ate. And it was good. Granted, I had a pretty safe item that fell almost within my comfort zone - not a salad, I'm proud to say, but nothing too adventurous. Although it was bigger than my usual lunch, it probably didn't put me too far above my usual calorie baseline. Semi-victory?
But now I'm feeling incredibly gross and fat and icky. Trying to just sit with it and not get too down on myself, even though I'm having major post-meal guilt. Someday this will pass... I am getting really fed up with all my brainpower going towards feeling miserable.
Speaking of frustrations - major frustrations with R at therapy yesterday. We started off on a bad note because he made some comment (don't remember the exact quote) basically implying that the reason I have so many health problems is because I refuse to practice self-care and I deliberately self-sabotage. I honestly don't want to get into it because the context is too complicated to explain and it will just make me grumpy, but suffice it to say that I was pissed. His arguments were bullshit and completely misjudged my mindset. I tried explaining my feelings to him, but for some reason we just didn't connect at all. So then I clammed up, shut down, and withdrew. Not looking forward to my appointment next week.
This was super negative. Some positives from my week so far:
- The maintenance man FINALLY came and fixed the five million things broken in our apartment.
- One of my best friends is coming down to hang out tomorrow night.
- Work is going great. Even though I'll only be at my internship for a few more weeks, I'm hoping to stay in touch with my bosses during the school year.
- Peanut butter has lots of fat and calories and is totally J-approved and tastes delicious on everything.
Congrats on eating out! So tough to push through the feelings, but it's awesome that you did it anyway! I'm sorry the session with R didn't go well. I hope you guys are able to get back on track at your next appointment, sounds like it was frustrating that he wasn't really listening to you.
ReplyDeleteGlad the apartment stuff got fixed! Have a great time with your friend, and with the last few weeks of work! And yay for peanut butter!