Friday, August 24, 2012

A Better Update

Hey all—I was in a pretty sad place when I last posted. I'd been really upset and was crying off and on all day and really needed to just vent and tell the world I'M HURT AND IT'S NOT OKAY. So I wrote my post and hit "publish" and walked away, still feeling pretty crappy. Then later that night, I came back to all your wonderful comments and literally cried as I read them because I felt so understood and supported and loved. It meant the world to me and I'm doing much better, thanks in large part to you guys. I started to go back and respond to each and every one of your comments, but then my laptop pooped out on me and has been in the laptop hospital since Wednesday.

Anyways, I've got my computer back and am happy to report that things have been looking up from Tuesday. It's not that I've been trying to keep everyone in the dark about the nerve pain, it just makes me upset to talk about it and the "chronic" part is still really hard to swallow. That's all I really wanna say about it right now, sorry. If anyone like really wants to know more or ask questions or anything please feel free to send me an e-mail:

As far as other updates, today was my last day at work. Well, I actually have one last project to finish up on Monday, so I'll probably just work on it at home for a couple hours and submit it to my bosses via e-mail. This internship was an incredible experience for me, and I'm SO happy I was able to land it. My mom and dad were thisclose to making me stay home and enter treatment in May, but I got my shit together and made it work and I'm REALLY proud of that.

Speaking of treatment, things are still mostly moving forward. I'm eating nearly everything on my meal plan and generally being pretty cooperative. My sessions with R still often resemble teeth-pulling efforts, but hey! At least I'm eating, right? My weight is up almost to where it was exactly a year ago when I was returning to college after taking a semester off for treatment. It's crazy to me that I've been seeing R and J for almost a year now. And it took almost a year, but I'm actually doing what they've been telling me to do all along. Whoops!

Oh yeah, I'm moving tomorrow. And no, I have not started packing. It's not as bad as it sounds though - we don't have to move any furniture, and the new apartment is literally two blocks down the street. I'm just planning to throw stuff in my car and make as any trips back and forth as needed. My mom is getting into College City late tonight, we'll spend the whole day tomorrow moving, and then she leaves Sunday morning. School starts on Tuesday and I am.not.ready.

You guys! My jeans are getting all tight! I haven't worn jeans in, like, forever because it has been approximately 508292 degrees here every day all summer long so I've gotten away with dresses and skirts for work which are way more forgiving, but I tried on a couple pairs this weekend and the situation is dire, I tell you. DIRE. It's gonna be fall soon and I don't exactly want to be known as Girl Who Wears Sloppy Sweats Everywhere for my senior year, ya know?? Help! Bear in mind that I hate shopping! And I don't have money!


  1. the ups and downs in recovery are so hard but it is worth it. one day at a time and soon this will all be behind you. i am glad you are feeling better ; )

  2. 1- be the super cute girl who wears dresses/tights/boots everywhere! Tights are cheap and also forgiving, layering is great, and if you cant snag a pair of cute boots ballet flats/mary janes are usually way cheaper. Also-- asking for parental help to buy nicely fitting jeans is better than uh all the financial fall out of more treatment bc you wanted to fit into too small jeans. Ditch them!

    2- in medical-ese, chronic doesnt mean forever, it just means something that lasts >6 months or so (varies, but basically). That simple fact helped me.

    3- glad the comments helped! You & Cammy make me miss blogging (but i'm too wary of posting so much)

    1. Don't quit posting, and if you do blog again BE SURE to hook me up with a link! ;)

  3. Glad things are looking up! And that the comments helped cheer you up :)

    I hope the last day of work went well, I'm so happy it was such a great experience for you! Congrats on the weight stuff! I know it's scary and so much work, but I'm so proud of you for working hard and getting healthier, and treating your body well. I completely agree with JS on the dresses, tights, and boots! And if you do have to get jeans, maybe plan a fun reward for that day too, like buying yourself a book or pretty necklace or something, just to make the un-fun shopping day just a little better. Apparently trouser-style jeans are "in" these days (maybe? I'm so not fashionable), but they're meant to be a little bit looser and might not feel as uncomfortable to be trying on. Also good for bad-body-image-days.

    Good luck with the clothes and the move!

  4. Hey Kaylee,

    I'm glad your feeling better.
    I always find writing it down helps me to sort through stuff
    I know how scary recovery and weigh gain is but you seem to be doing so well. I can relate alot to the jeans, I recently put away 2 pairs of 'anorexic' jeans and bought a brand new pair. Maybe it would help to buy some new jeans, treat yourself, it definitely helped me.

    I know you don't know me and I hope you don't mind me commenting.
    So let me introduce myself, I'm ruby and I'm very new to recovery
    I've just found recovery blogs and I'm so happy to have found them

    Good luck with the move,
    As they say 'a change is as good as a rest' x

    1. OF COURSE I don't mind! I'm glad you found me too. Thanks for all the good wishes!

  5. Good luck with the move, and I hope you enjoy your time with your mom!

    Really glad that things are looking up a bit. I remember when you very first started with R and weren't sure how it would go. You have been through so much over the past year, I know there have been some ups and downs but you really have shown amazing strength, especially considering other health problems going on. This can be won, it just seems to go achingly slowly sometimes.

    Jeans: Ugh, clothes shopping during recovery can be a pain. I always hate spending money when I'm not sure when/for how long it will fit me. Have you tried Plato's closet? It's really affordable (like $10-15 range for designer brands, you can get Old Navy type stuff for under $10 sometimes), they typically only stock pretty cute stuff, and what I love is that it's organized by size, so you can look at a rack and only see things that are likely to fit you. That helps me, maybe not for everyone. Just a suggestion!

    Keep hanging in there, you have so much to be proud of.