Last night it hit me how far from normal I really am. I thought I was okay with most foods. I can usually fit most things into my meal plan, as long as I have a heads up. I eat bread, pasta, sugar, cheese, etc. All the scary stuff.
Last night, though, a bowl of ice cream totally kicked my butt.
I was hanging out with my friend C when all of a sudden, before I quite knew what was happening, we were sitting in a 24-hour diner with dessert menus in front of us. My friend ordered a sundae while I panicked and squirmed and took freaking forever to decide what to get. I didn't want to not order anything and sit there like an ED-possessed nutjob while C ate, but of course the ten minutes it took me to decide on a flavor, size, and topping squashed any shred of "normal" I may have still been hanging onto.
So by the time the waitress brought our orders to the table, I was a wreck. I played with my spoon until the ice cream was melting down the sides of the dish and I had made a huge yucky mess and thoroughly humiliated myself.
C was asking lots about what I've been up to and how I've been doing and all I could focus on was how much ice cream I may or may not have actually ingested.
WHY can't I be a normal person?