Saturday, July 2, 2011

Dear Stomach: SHHHH

My appetite is, honestly, scaring the heck out of me.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I am starving ALL THE TIME.  My usual meals and snacks just aren't satisfying me.  My stomach literally starts growling within an hour of eating.  (And I'm eating enough!)

I don't know why this is happening now, after I've been maintaining a basically healthy weight for over a month.  I remember how a few weeks into re-feeding, my hunger was ridiculous - like, I would finish a meal and be starving ten minutes later, but my dietician had told me to expect that.  I was at a lower weight and the idea of more food = metabolism speeding up = increased hunger made total sense to me.

But now?  I guess I have been running a lot, so maybe it's accumulating fatigue or something.  My best friend from high school and I starting taking a Pilates class that makes me pretty sore, so maybe I'm building new muscle.  Plus, last weekend was a change of routine so maybe my body is recalibrating or something.  (I'm totally making up these theories on the spot.)

I've been eating pretty much the same number of calories since coming down from weight gain amounts over the past couple of months.  My lower days definitely outnumber my higher days, but I don't think I've ever dipped below a healthy, dietician-approved amount.

So why now am I suddenly SO. HUNGRY. all the time?  I eat my usual breakfast at 8 and am dying by 10.  I usually hold out until lunch at 11:45-12 or so.  At the beginning of the summer, I was having my snack at 3:30 - this week, I've been lucky to make it until 2:15.  So, naturally, the thought of waiting for dinner at our typically 6 or 7 is unbearable.  My mom and I have been eating around 5-5:30, just because I get home from work absolutely famished and literally can't make it any longer.  Then I have another snack around 8 or 9 and try to get to bed before my stomach starts growling again.

Secretly, (of course) I was hoping this meant I'd lost some weight - but no.  My weight has maybe slid down a teeny tiny bit in the past month or so, but definitely not enough to warrant the massive increase in food that my body has abruptly decided to ask for.

This isn't normal-person "I-haven't-eaten-since-breakfast-so-of-course-I'm-hungry" hunger, either.  This is dizzy/shaky/sick hunger.  Dear-Kaylee-give-me-food-any-food-NOW-love-your-body hunger.

Something that I have noticed since starting re-feeding is that eating regularly, meaning every 3-4 hours, is just as important as eating enough calories for me.  Even if I eat a massive breakfast, I would still need to eat again by lunchtime.  I'm not sure what the biological mechanisms going on here are, but I seem to get low blood sugar or something very easily.  So maybe my body has had enough of that dance and would like to just get a heftier stream of calories to work with?  Build up some reserves?

Another thing - periods still aren't regular.  I had one totally normal period in April, one very light one in May, and nothing since.  But even with the light/no period months, I still definitely got PMS symptoms around the weeks when my period should have come.  So maybe my body is telling me I need a bit more food to get the hormones running?  Or something?

But why now, body?  And why can't you just be happy where you are?  Or a little thinner?  Just kidding.

So, I am confused.  And irritated. And HUNGRY.

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