I realize it's been a while since I wrote a "real" post, like with actual details and updates on the happenings of my life. I am halfway through my first semester of PhD school and thus far I am enjoying my classes, hitting it off with my other cohort members, and working my butt off but feeling inspired. I'm glad to be getting down to the nitty-gritty of it—we had a proposal due this week and I'm giving a heavy duty theory presentation next week, so those are occupying the majority of my brainpower right now.
Mood- and sanity-wise I am getting about back to my baseline after a few rough weeks. My anxiety was extremely high for much of August and September, and it got interspersed with pockets of depression where I was crying constantly, totally low energy, buckling under a vague feeling of stress but not quite seeing the point of anything. It is a strange sensation to be entering this amazing, life-altering opportunity (a top doctoral program) surrounded by celebrity faculty and planning my future career while simultaneously feeling like life is a black hole. Anyway, just over the past couple weeks I've started feeling my moods stabilize, my mind center, and normal excitement/inspiration kick in.
I did muster up the will to call my old psychiatrist for an appointment only to discover that she no longer takes my insurance, and each visit would cost me $175 out of pocket. So, it looks like I'm in the market. But then almost as quickly as that all unfolded, I convinced myself I didn't need medication anymore. Will happily listen to alternate opinions on that.
YOU GUYS I HAVE A DATE. I met this guy a few weeks ago at some graduate student happy hour even thing and we totally hit it off, and then he friended me on Facebook and I WAITED AND WAITED AND WAITED for him to send me a message.* He finally did on Thursday—so we started chatting, and then I WAITED AND WAITED AND WAITED some more for him to ask me out. He was playing it so cool! He was like a stone-cold cucumber!! Literally I was sitting at home alone waiting for a boy to call.** But then he finally did!
Other randomness:
- Keep my mama bear in your thoughts! She's getting icky cataract surgery.
- Speaking of my badass mom, she sent me a Wonder Woman card in the mail with the message: "You are my Wonder Woman!" written inside. Everyone deserves a mother like that.
- I think, knock on wood, my stress fractured foot may finally be totally healed. Hasn't bothered me at all recently, despite abusing it a bit with too much walking.
- College City temperatures ranged from 48 to 86 degrees over the course of four days this week. I need more stability in my life.
Have a great weekend everyone, much love to you all.
*Yes, I know I could have messaged him first. I'm old-fashioned. SUE ME.
**My mother is a strong, brave, badass feminist woman and raised me better than this.
With all of the changes you've had in your life lately, it's not surprising that the depression and anxiety hit. They suck big time, though, and I'm really sorry. I just want you to make sure you give yourself some grace and be kind to yourself about it. I'm glad things are starting to return to normal. It's awesome that you're loving school and that things are going so well! I'm not at all surprised, but I'm so happy to hear it! I know you really groove on learning new things, and exploring, thinking, asking questions, etc.
ReplyDeleteRe: meds, it's terrible about your psychiatrist and the insurance. Is there anybody else you might consider seeing who is on your insurance plan? I'm not suggesting meds, I'm just suggesting a talk with a psychiatrist.
Yay for a date! Eager to hear all about it! Have a great time!
Sending good vibes to your mom!