Very grateful for all the anxiety advice. I'm still not doing great in that regard, but do feel a bit better about being able to name it for what it is, acknowledge the fact that I am not okay, and somewhat have a plan for moving forward. Dr. P is supposed to call me with a recommendation for a new psychiatrist, and in the meantime I am gong to e-mail my old one (she no longer takes my insurance, unfortunately) about either possibly seeing her on a sliding scale or getting a recommendation for someone new. I do like that she is so easy to contact via e-mail and is always willing to toss around ideas, go back over my records, and do some research on my behalf. Back a couple years ago when I was juggling several different doctors/medications, she actually got on the phone with another doctor who was giving me bad advice and told that loser what was up. I have a long memory for someone who goes to bat for me like that.
Anyway. I think the thing that is wearing on me the most about the anxiety right now is that things are going great. I love school, my classes are tough but engaging, I like my professors and my classmates, my advisor and I are tight as ever, we got two papers published in the last month, I just got accepted to present at a big conference in a couple months, and there's a new boy. And with all that, I just hate wasting all this time and energy feeling miserable. Yes I am paranoid about gaining weight on a medication, but I am more motivated to take this thing by the horns and get back to my old self. Life should be really good right now.
So yeah.....there's a boy! We've gone out twice now—both involving coffee, long walks, and talking for about five hours straight without coming up for air. He's a little shy which created major internal anguish, i.e. he didn't text me after the first date and I was feeling very insecure...I agonized for three days then decided to be brave and text him, which was all the prompting he needed to ask me out the second time! We are still taking our time and getting to know each other, but I am definitely in a place where I like hanging out with him, we get along great, and I can't wait to see him again :) Those are all good signs, right?
Alrighty folks, hope everyone has a great week. More soon.