Friday, October 30, 2015

Gotta Get Down on Friday

Strange few days here. I had an appointment with a GP at the campus health center the other day. I was in the middle of asking for a routine referral for my ophthalmologist when I promptly burst into tears and told her how freaking ANXIOUS and IRRATIONAL and HORRIBLE I've been feeling lately, and how overwhelmed I feel about having to wait so long for my appointment with the psychiatrist. Poor Dr. L took it like a champ, said all the right things, did her quick due diligence to make sure there wasn't any underlying medical issue causing it (doctors are obsessed with checking my thyroid function, it seems) and sent me on my way with prescriptions for Celexa and Ativan. I filled them right away and now have both pill bottles sitting in my bathroom cabinet. I haven't actually taken either of them yet, but somehow feel a little better just knowing they're there. Especially the Ativan, even though it scares the crap out of me a little.

Dr. P and I are back to weekly appointments after experimenting with every other week for a while over the summer. It's definitely what I need right now, since she is such a stabilizing/sane/supportive force for me. This morning I was definitely weepy/sniffly throughout my appointment but did—as I almost always do—feel better better afterward.

School stuff: I've randomly been interviewed by two different reporters in the past week. One was writing about some research I did last year, and another was asking me to comment on someone else's study as an "outside expert.". LOL. I was like: Hi sure okay but I think you're using the term 'expert' a tad loosely. I've also joined two new professional societies and registered for two conferences in the next six months. Very strange to have this academic/professional persona out there when it feels like my insides are crumbling.

The Boy and I have Date #4 tonight—it's our first meal, which feels like a milestone. Everyone pray for me.

1 comment:

  1. I'm SO glad the the physician wrote you that rx and that you're seeing Dr. P more often again. Sometimes we go through periods when we need more support than others, and it's fantastic that you're working on making the most of your treatment team/resources.

    I really know what you mean about the "together", successful public persona versus the mishmash of internal psyche. It used to make me really give me "imposter syndrome." Sometimes it still does. But in reality I don't think anyone is all the way "together," so everytime I see some super competent person being interviewed and am tempted to feel jealous, I remind myself that we have no idea what their life is like behind closed doors . . . okay now I'm off on a tangent. Congrats on your research getting attention; that's awesome!

    I hope you get a chance to relax this weekend!