Tuesday, April 15, 2014


Well my period finally came, thank goodness, but sheesh this whole womanly thing is messing with my appetite. I am usually STARVING for breakfast and even more STARVING for lunch (hmm maybe my breakfast needs to be bigger?) but not today, because I am bloated and crampy and have NO appetite whatsoever. My uterus feels like weighs about 60 pounds. If this what pregnancy is like? Minus the period and plus a fetus, obviously?

It has been TWO weeks since I last weighed myself. Progress, right?? It's driving me nuts not to know, and I still have to physically restrain myself each morning from reaching into my cabinet under the bathroom sink for my scale (should probably move that) but overall it has been very freeing. It's really more that I'm scared to know than any grand recovery-minded breakthroughs, but still. Feels better. SOme of the obsessing in my head has quieted down a bit, now that I don't have a constant number in my head. Obviously I'm freaked out that my weight has gone up, but I'll deal. And I just feel lighter—mentally, I mean. My jeans still fit, even with all this period bloat, so that's a good sign.

I'm still on the fence about switching up my medication. After my appointment on Saturday, my psych e-mailed me with a more detailed tapering plan "should I decide to discontinue Celexa," which makes me feel like I should. The drug didn't seem to put much dent in my depression last year, but did wonders for my anxiety. And while the depression certainly made me miserable, but it was the anxiety that made me nonfunctional. Then again, a lot has changed in the two years since I started Celexa, so part of me is feeling kind of cocky about quitting. Plus, there's a teeny tiny part of me that has always wondered if the drug contributed to my weight gain. So wouldn't it be nice to get off it and maybepossiblyhopefully shed a few pounds.

Other stuff: registered for my summer and fall classes. I am SO excited for fall semester; it should be fantastic. And only three weeks left of this semester! Can't wait until summer—meaning, summer weather—is finally here.


  1. Congrats on not weighing yourself! Whatever the motivation is, I think it's such a great thing, and it seems like it's been very freeing for you. It sounds like you're really trying to approach it in a healthy, "my clothes fit so it's all good" kind of way. That really does seem like what non-ED people do. I think. Yay!

    Re: Celexa. If you're feeling like you can taper off of it, go for it. But I would caution you against doing it for weight-reasons. That would make it infinitely harder to go back on it should you find your anxiety to be off the charts again, plus it would feed into all sorts of ED thoughts (no pun intended). Just a thought. If you're feeling like you can tackle that for the right (non-ED) reasons, good luck to you!

    Hope the yucky period symptoms go away soon!

    1. That is a really good point about not tapering for weight-related reasons—never thought of it that way. thanks Alie!