Thursday, October 3, 2013

Geeking Out, Lacking Sleep, and Hopping Back on the Medication Train

I am going cross-eyed from staring at spreadsheets, so...time for a blogging break. Things are going relatively well these days; my life currently revolves around class, work, and research. I've decided that I only officially hate one of my classes, meaning four out of five are pretty darn good! And the one hateful class isn't straight-up awful so much as it just doesn't really apply to my interests or future goals, but is just one of those required core classes that I have to survive until December. LET THE COUNTDOWN COMMENCE.

Aside from that, my research is going swimmingly and my advisor is superb. I sent him a bunch of work last weekend and he took a few days to get back to me (he almost always answers within hours), which of course sent me into a tailspin of ohmygod what did I do wrong he must be speechless at my stupidity but then he finally e-mailed back and explained that the delay was due to him having a two-week-old baby at home. And then he basically just lavished me with praise and made me feel like a million bucks. So, that made my week. We had our first lab meeting with another research team that is working on similar material just to share results and talk about academic-y things, and my advisor let me take the lead in presenting our stuff. So from now on, how about you guys just call me DOCTA K, EXPERT.

Today was kind of crazy—gym and meetings in the morning, lecture, class, tutoring. Even with all the scheduled stuff I have going on, it's surprising how often I find myself wrapped up in looooong chit-chats with other students. Everyone is just super smart and motivated and grateful to be here, which is nice. However, I am totally wiped and probably need to figure out a way to catch up on sleep, because the 6-7 hours per night (down from about 11-12 per night plus naps over the summer) is NOT cutting it. Still scratching my head on how to make that one work. I don't feel super stressed out or spent or anything, but I have a feeling that the pace of the past six weeks might start catching up with me.

I almost didn't bring up my recent freak-out with Dr. P at therapy this week, but I'm glad that I did. She helped to put a lot of things in perspective for me, and to point out that shit happens and life goes on. I mean, she said it more eloquently, but that was the gist. Anxiety sucks A LOT, but I almost think this most recent episode might have been a good wake-up call for me, since I've been toying with the idea of cutting down on my meds and have even been skipping my pill on and off for the past few weeks. I've gotten this idea into my head that the drug might be causing the tiredness and weight gain, and just want to be off of it. Plus, anxiety hasn't really been a major problem for me at all for over a year so I started thinking: "All better!"

Obviously not. Clearly, my brain still tips over the edge into crazy-Kaylee-mode pretty easily. And even though I'm not on a very high dose, I can still tell if I skip more than one day in a row because I get that spinning, groggy, withdrawal feeling. So maybe I'll stick to taking my meds as prescribed for now.

Final funny anecdote: We were talking about the government shutdown in one of my classes yesterday. There are a few international students in that class, so the professor was trying to explain how our inane system works (I know, I know, checks and balances whatever) and how we ended up in this mess. One of the girls from Beijing was just sitting there shaking her head, totally horrified, and blurted out: "This would NEVER happen in China."

1 comment:

  1. Congrats on presenting at the lab meeting! Look at you go! I really hope you're able to get more sleep. Sounds like you could really use it. The funny thing is that when we need sleep the most to rejuvenate us, it's the first thing to get short-changed. Hope you're able to get rest! Also, glad you're working with Dr. P on getting the med stuff worked out. I know it sucks to feel chained to them, but Dr. P is only prescribing what is necessary for your brain chemistry to function optimally. Hope it helps!