I suppose my anxiety isn't exactly inexplicable, since my life is currently very stressful and there are LOTS of things that could be causing my anxiety. Still, it feels like this icky, sick, nervous, fluttery feeling came out of nowhere. The other night, I couldn't get to sleep because my mind was preoccupied by a million different things, and I ended up bursting into tears alone in the dark. Obviously, I didn't sleep very well, and was a tired cranky wreck the next day. Last night, I slept for about nine hours and woke up feeling much more refreshed, but still have that nagging sense that something bad is going to happen.
Trying to be rational about things. A couple things going on:
1) I have tons and tons of work - both school work and work work, and I'm having a hard time feeling on top of everything. I'm also grappling with that sense of wanting to volunteer for everything and throw myself in headfirst, but knowing that neither my physical nor mental health are anywhere near robust enough for that.
2) I saw a huge bug in my apartment the other night. Don't laugh. It's incredible how freaked out this made me. I'm embarrassed and baffled and disgusted by how much it scares me, and how much I'm still worrying about it. I am constantly catastrophizing about a roach infestation. Suddenly it feels like my apartment isn't a safe, clean place anymore. Then I started thinking about all the things that could go wrong in an apartment, or a house, and how am I ever going to be a functional grown-up who is responsible for these things?
3) I have no money.
Doing my best to stay okay and hope this is just a random fluke period of insanity. My college roommate is coming to stay this weekend and at first I was stressed about having to host her, but now I'm glad she'll be here to keep me company.
Take care, everyone.