So anyway, I FINALLY got myself signed up for the plan I wanted ("Are you sure you don't want to pay $99 and upgrade to get the four personal training sessions, ma'am?" "Yes, I'm sure." "Really? Really really sure?" "REALLY FUCKING SURE, SIR. THANKS.") when they sent me over to meet with some OTHER guy, who apparently schedules a "consultation" with every new member. So I was like, sure yeah, whatever, why not? Well, whaddya know, this "consultation" includes all of but not limited to the following:
— body fat measurements
— height, weight, and BMI calculations
— fitness assessment including endurance, strength, and agility
— healthy eating plan
Inside I was freaking out like oh heck no, how am I gonna get out of this one?? I kept trying to politely decline the "consultation," but the guy simply WOULDN'T LET ME. These were evil genius salesmen, I'm telling you. So now I have a fitness assessment with Jermaine, who is approximately six-foot-three with biceps the size of small love seats, on July 22 and I have until July 21 to concoct a way to get out of it.