Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Gym Membership Ordeal

Oh my god you guys, I am SO flustered. I just tried to join a gym near my apartment (since I no longer have free access to my university fitness center, DAMN THEM) and those sleaze bags at the front desk got me all mixed up with the millions of different membership packages and all their nosy questions. I knew ahead of time which one I wanted (simplest, cheapest) but the guy kept pressuring me about personal training and group classes and other fancy stuff that I did.not.want. Then he asked me to fill out this stupid questionnaire about my "fitness goals" and "exercise history" and "work-out plan." I left some of the questions blank, but then he started asking me about everything I'd skipped...and I was NOT about to explain the whole anorexia/muscle atrophy/nerve pain/tissue damage shebang with him, so I started rattling off half-formed lies about vague illnesses and injuries and being too busy for exercise. The guy must have thought I was off my rocker. Better than telling the truth, I suppose! 

So anyway, I FINALLY got myself signed up for the plan I wanted ("Are you sure you don't want to pay $99 and upgrade to get the four personal training sessions, ma'am?" "Yes, I'm sure." "Really? Really really sure?" "REALLY FUCKING SURE, SIR. THANKS.") when they sent me over to meet with some OTHER guy, who apparently schedules a "consultation" with every new member. So I was like, sure yeah, whatever, why not? Well, whaddya know, this "consultation" includes all of but not limited to the following:
— body fat measurements
— height, weight, and BMI calculations
— fitness assessment including endurance, strength, and agility
— healthy eating plan

Inside I was freaking out like oh heck no, how am I gonna get out of this one?? I kept trying to politely decline the "consultation," but the guy simply WOULDN'T LET ME. These were evil genius salesmen, I'm telling you. So now I have a fitness assessment with Jermaine, who is approximately six-foot-three with biceps the size of small love seats, on July 22 and I have until July 21 to concoct a way to get out of it.


  1. Those gym salespeople (they really are more salespeople than trainers) can be SO incredibly pushy. I literally had to threaten a lawsuit with one to get them to stop charging my bank account after my contract was up.

    Definitely don't let them bully you into a fitness assessment; anxiety over things like that can really accelerate a person into a not-so-healthy mindset about exercise and/or their body. If you are a bit shy about canceling the appointment, do it over the phone. Jermaine will get over it, I promise...

    Hang in there! I hope you get some nice, solitary recharge time in after so much visiting/hostessing recently; I'm sort of in the same spot (post-travel/visit alone time) right now and it's wonderful. Thinking of you as always!

  2. Say you've decided to go with an outside consultant. It's not a lie, right? You have your nutritionist.

    Cancel by phone, say you won't reschedule, and if they're pushy say-- I'm the one paying, and I want the following services. If you're not content to provide me with what I'm asking for, you're not the right gym for me. [Bravery can be far easier over the phone.]