I woke up last night at around 3am to pee, stumbled from my bedroom to the bathroom, turned on the bathroom light....and a roach scurried out from under the closet door into the kitchen. After freaking the fuck out for longer than necessary, I grabbed a sneaker, approached said roach which was now sitting quietly in the middle of my kitchen floor, debated whether or not it would attack me, decided to take the risk for the good of mankind, and killed that mofo WITH PLEASURE. Then I scraped his gooey body into the garbage, and finally went to pee (it was now an emergency).
Then I went back to bed and, naturally, couldn't sleep. When I got up this morning, I laced up my sneakers before going into the bathroom. SHUT UP it was a really big bug.
Unrelated: I am debating having my mom come to my appointment with Dr. P this week. Thoughts? I kind of count on my hour-long alone time with her each week, but I also think it might be good for my mom to meet her and hear a third-party perspective on how I'm doing. Plus, I know my mom worries about me, and it might give her some peace of mind to see the amazing support system I have in my therapist. My mom came to my first session with Dr. R (former therapist) and it was MORTIFYING, but I have a much better rapport with Dr. P and I don't think it would be that awkward.
Also on the agenda this week: family reunion with several aunts, uncles, and cousins. Some of them haven't seen me in a few years—a.k.a. haven't seen me at this weight. Trying to tell myself that family won't care.
I haven't stepped on the scale in several days now, as it was starting to put a major damper on my day from the get-go. A nurse did weigh me at my doctor's appointment last week and the number was higher than I expected, but at least I did a good job of rationalizing: I'm wearing jeans and shoes, it's a different scale, XXX lbs is still perfectly normal... And I still ate lunch!
Books of the week:
—Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand—The story of Louie Zamperini, a former Olympic runner who was captured by Japanese troops and held as a POW for two years during World War II. Amazing.
— The Yonahlossee Riding Camp for Girls by Anton DiSclafani—Easy, girly summer read. It's a coming-of-age/sexual-awakening type thing. Kind of juicy but mostly just felt pretty adolescent. And it dragged on a little too long—I was definitely bored and over it by the end.
—Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane—I'm only about halfway through this one and it's a pretty good read; it's no Mystic River in terms of quality, but definitely a page-turner. I'm hooked!