Today has been more a struggle than usual, physically and emotionally. Sometimes it's hard to determine which triggers the downward spiral—my body or my mind—but both are feeling pretty crummy right now.
I'm sorry guys—I know I tout this as an "anorexia recovery" blog and it's turned into more of a "chronic pain recovery (or not, who really knows at this point)" blog, so it may not be very interesting for some of you at the moment. But the nerve pain has mushroomed into this giant, overwhelming, all-consuming force that kind of overshadows everything else at this point. My blog would be pretty disingenuous and superficial if I didn't write about it.
Anyway, I'm just having a really hard time sitting with the fact that I don't know when or by how much this will improve. I hate going into a new job, new school year, new apartment—a whole new freaking life, for goodness sake—with this hanging over me. It's hitting me that it may be around for months (or years, God forbid...not gonna think about that...)
There are a lot of reasons that I should feel optimistic, but sometimes my mind can't process them. I'm tired of trying so hard to convince myself that maybe someday things will be better. For now, just doing my damnest to keep my chin up. Happier posts to come.