My mom and dad were in town this past weekend and I was so happy to have them here. The last time my mom was in town, I spent the day freaking out and crying and generally being a big fat baby, so this visit was a nice change. My dad actually hasn't been to College City since dropping me off at the beginning of my freshman year when I was still totally lost and intimidated. It was kind of fun to show him around campus and the city, bring him to a famous restaurant, etc. I'm probably more of a mama's girl at heart, but I do love my daddy a whole lot and he definitely spoils me rotten.
Meals were okay. Snacks, not so much, but I think I made up for the calories by having bigger meals. I asked my mom one day if she thought I'd gained too much weight, and she sighed and said no, of course not, you don't look like you've gained anything at all. So, I guess that was nice to hear. I GUESS.
We ate out for lunch and dinner on both Saturday and Sunday, and I didn't restrict or freak out or anything. I'm feeling motivated again—remember the wonderful doctor I mentioned? Well, the part I forgot to tell you guys is that he was much more optimistic than anyone else I've seen. Basically, he thinks that all my body failures are totally related to being underweight, and that things should definitely improve with better nutrition = weight gain = stronger immune system, tissues, muscles = less body failure = MUCH HAPPIER KAYLEE. I was so freaking happy to hear that, I wanted to give Dr. P a big hug. This was a huge boost, especially after my last doctor told me that my pain is probably permanent and can only be managed with meds. But Dr. P went over my whole history and was way more optimistic. He kept telling me that I'm "doing great" and stuff, and I really really really needed to hear that. Next step: he referred me to a specialized physical therapist, so stay tuned.
Anyway, that gave me a big motivation boost going into the weekend, and beyond. It's really exhausting to have this invisible pain, the constant nagging reminder that I abused my body for so long and it just couldn't take any more, but all I need to know is that it will get better. I can't be skinny and healthy, I can't restrict and be healthy. I just can't. And that's okay with me.
Another fun tidbit of the weekend: my mom discovered that she somehow accidentally created a Facebook account in 2009 and has no idea how it happened. Oh, Mom. If you happen to see her approaching, lock up your technology. Bad things happen when she gets too close.