I was really nervous and embarrassed about hitting "publish" on what felt like a whiny, self-indulgent post the other night. But then I checked back and, just wow. So much support and understanding and positivity coming at me from you guys, I am like literally bursting with gratitude. Reading the comments made me want to cry (in a good way, I mean!) So, thanks for not writing me off as super bratty and insensitive and self-absorbed! Y'ALL ROCK
Things have definitely picked up since last week. My appointment with R actually went well, even though he did indeed make me add another snack. I put up a bit of a fight since I am still gaining, albeit slowly, and didn't think that I should have to add more food until the gain totally stalls...but of course I lost that battle. (I tend to lose most arguments with R, although he's usually sneaky about it and ends up letting me think I won until I get home later and realize: wait, what did I just agree to do??) R gave me props for following the meal plan and gaining a few weeks in a row, but pointed out that I'm still gaining pretty slowly, and that what seemed like a decent gain last week was probably due in part to pre-period bloating. And he's right - my weight jumped up a few pounds before/during my period, but has since slid back down to where it was about two weeks ago.
Anyway, point of the story: we spent a while bickering over what constituted a reasonable rate of gain, and whether or not I should have to bump up the meal plan, despite continuing to gain on the current amount of food. I definitely tend to gravitate towards a mentality of "as little as possible" - as little food, as little weight. Why gain/eat more than is absolutely necessary? R, astute fellow that he is, reminded me that sticking to the bare minimum is hardly a practical, necessary or enjoyable way to go through life. Trying to believe him...
So, goals for the week: 1) Meal plan, including new stuff, 2) No more irrational meltdowns, 3) Finish reading a book for my thesis, 4) Stay away from news websites for a while. They depress me, clearly.
Completely unrelated: Anyone have any good TV show recommendations? I've already watched Damages (I highly recommend this one, by the way!), 30 Rock, Modern Family, HIMYM, Weeds, and most of Lost (it made my head hurt and I just couldn't get through it all). And I just finished Mad Men, which totally had me hooked and now I'm floundering. Shut up, I already know I watch too much TV.
You are one of the least whiny, least self-absorbed people that I know, Kaylee.
ReplyDeleteI like R's point about not defaulting to the minimum with everything. Truly, you deserve way more than "just enough" or "minimally adequate." You deserve the best, in terms of mental and physical health, and you can't get that if you're keeping your body just on the edge. Also, there is a chance that most or all of last week's gain was just water (gotta love periods...).
I have watched and loved most of the TV shows you mentioned, so it seems we have similar tastes. I HIGHLY recommend Homeland and Breaking Bad. And a lot of the HBO series are excellent: The Wire, The Sopranos, Girls, In Treatment, etc...I've heard that Arrested Development comes highly recommended, but haven't tried it yet myself.
Thanks Cammy! The bloating/gain really freaked me out, I guess it's been a while since I've had a regular cycle and I was NOT prepared.
DeleteThose shows are all going on my list! I actually started BB once and stopped because I'm a baby and there was a super gory scene in one of the first episodes, but I'm definitely going to give it another shot.
I recommend Parks and Rec, Downton Abbey, and White Collar.
ReplyDeleteMy brother and I used to watch White Collar occasionally and I remember really liking it, although I never followed the main storyline very well. And yes!! thank you for reminding me - I made a mental note to watch DA after it cleaned up at the Emmys last year. Thanks for the suggestions!
DeleteI'm glad things are going better! And I agree that the bare minimum in terms of food and gain is maybe not the best. It might be mentally/psychologically easier to deal with, but your body and mind will likely ultimately get better quicker with a higher mealplan. It's such a tough spot to be in! Super slow gains are much nicer on the emotion side of things, but they keep a person sick longer. And you deserve to be healthy!
ReplyDeleteI love the shows you mention, and my only recommendation is Sports Night. It's a few years old, but is on Netflix, and it's hilarious! New Adventures of Old Christine is also a great show, but not available on live-streaming (you can get the DVDs through netflix though). Good luck!
Believe me, R and I can argue ALL DAY about slow vs. fast gain - I suppose I'm going to end up in the same place anyway, so why prolong the process, right?
DeleteJust googled Sports Night and it looks great, thanks for the tip!
big bang theory, gossip girl & arrested development got me through much of the past two years.
ReplyDeleteYAY YOU! You are seriously "in the shit" of recovery and really doing the work. Keep at it! I also love R's point about not going through life getting by on "minimums" - so true!
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