Classes start this week and I am really happy for the change. These few weeks of extra therapy have been valuable, but I'm so over having doctors' appointments be the focus of my days. It makes me feel sick and inadequate and completely unstimulated. I'm definitely ready to be a student again and not just a patient.
On the downside, my body image is HORRIBLE. My jeans are getting tight. I am positively mortified to be seen in public with this bod. Weight gain sucks. I don't remember feeling this yucky this fast the last time I gained weight, although I suppose it could just be that my starting point was higher this time around. Plus, I was objectively much "sicker" a year ago, so gaining weight seemed much more urgent and necessary. Now I feel like I'm going from fat to fatter. Not true, I know, but it's been hard to convince myself otherwise.
Thought I should mention this since I've written about it so much in the past...I did start taking something for anxiety. Since it's only been a couple days, I obviously can't tell if the meds will work yet. So far, the only noticeable side effect is extreme nausea. I feel so freaking sick all day long. I haven't actually puked, but the sight/smell/thought of food makes my stomach turn. It's a little better today, but Sunday and yesterday were BAD. My ED doc warned me this might happen at the beginning, so hopefully it will pass.
I'm still having major mixed feelings about the whole thing and have been second-guessing my decision nonstop, but I'm trying to remember that this doesn't have to be forever. If it doesn't work, I can stop or try something else. Maybe the start of a new semester isn't the best time to be dealing with this, but I trust R and my doctor and hopefully it will get worked out soon.