Yep, this post is about what you might expect. My body image is literally in the toilet right now. It's to the point where I not only feel badly about how I look, but that it's affecting how I view myself and the world and my purpose in life. I feel like this awful, icky, ugly, worthless blob. I've always had relatively negative body image, regardless of my weight, but rarely has it so thoroughly permeated every aspect of my worldview. And I'm ashamed of that, because it is such a stupid and shallow way to go through life.
I'm feeling really old these days. I know that technically that isn't true, but when I think back on how many years I've spent being sick and tired and frustrated and unhappy and depressed, and how far I still am from being really and truly okay, it feels like my whole life will be tainted in one way or another by all the illness and hurt. Like, imagine how differently things could have gone if I hadn't spent my entire adolescence hating myself and intent on self-destruction. Imagine how much better off I'd be now. It feels like my life hasn't even really gotten started because I've been derailed so many times.
Ugh. Just one of those days.