Thursday, May 30, 2013

Therapy, Budgetary Failures, and An Old Habit

Last day of freedom before I start work tomorrow! Actually, I'll probably still have quite a bit of freedom, since I think I'm only working about 30 hours a week at the research center. I'm also doing some freelancing on the side for extra cash, but it's not a huge commitment. Anyway, I'm actually excited to start working and have a schedule again. My past several days have been pretty structureless—which was nice in that I had the chance to get settled into my new apartment and take care of random errands and appointments and such.

At therapy yesterday, I filled Dr. P in on everything that has happened since I last saw her—graduation, moving, my trip home, my appointment with Dr. A, and coming back to College City. While our conversation was pretty positive, I think she could tell that I was still grappling with the idea of my health limbo, as well as fighting the urge to hole up alone and let myself become emotionally comatose until this thing ever resolves itself.

Anyway, Dr. P was all about distractions. Find classes, activities, book clubs, movies, get a pool membership, set up weekly dates with friends, whatever to keep myself engaged and have stuff to look forward to. I'm trying so hard, I swear—you should see the stack of books I've read in the last month. Plus, I've made it my unofficial mission to seek out the cheapest furniture in College City. My undergrad class has a Facebook group where people post stuff for sale. Now that leases are ending, everyone is getting desperate to ditch their furniture. So far I've acquired a full-size bed, kitchen table and chairs, coffee table, desk, bookshelf, and lamp for about $200. (Then of course my car started huffing and wheezing and rattling, so I spent about three hours and another $200 on repairs yesterday and my plans for a thrifty budget were shot to hell.) Needless to say, I am excited to start getting a paycheck again.

Something else I need to stay distracted from: the scale. I had pretty much gotten out of the weighing habit (ahem, compulsion) over the past couple months—first only weighing myself every few days, then skipping weeks at a time. But for some reason since being back in College City, I've been back at it with a vengeance. I think it may be because when I weighed myself last week at home, the number was unexpectedly down a couple pounds, despite all the restaurants, parties, desserts, and wine of graduation week. So of course, that tripped some nasty little switch in my brain that was all like, Whoa, I can lose weight without trying? Let's see where this goes! In conclusion, I've weighed myself every morning since.

I suppose the good thing is that despite my renewed weighing obsession, I haven't adjusted my eating at all. My weight is frighteningly stable at the moment—set point, anyone? After years of fluctuating, and several months of climbing with seemingly no end in sight, my weight has settled back almost exactly where it was about six years ago, when I was a happy, healthy seventeen-year-old. God, what I would give to have that back again...I guess getting my weight here was just the first step!

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you've got a lot of great stuff going on right now! Distractions have always been hugely helpful for me too, and it's great that you're at a place where you're able to channel energy into things besides the ED. You're a rock star.

    Be careful with the scale, that can be a slippery slope...even if you're not basing your food intake on the number, sometimes just starting your day with a metric like that can be unhelpful in the long run. Not trying to lecture, just be careful. It's awesome and inspiring to hear that your weight has stabilized around your pre-ED set point, you should be SO proud of all the hard work you've done to get here, Kaylee.

    Cheap furniture finds are the best, hope you get some good stuff!