Friday, November 2, 2012

Body Update

I started physical therapy this week, where I was told that I have muscle wasting, tissue damage, and a whole lotta general bodily instability. Bring on the good news! I suppose it's good to have more information rather than not, but hearing about everything wrong with my body tends to freak me out. Trying to stay calm and do the exercises PT Lady gave me (nothing too calorie-burning, alas. Just kidding!) and ice and stuff. This therapist seemed pretty familiar with issues relating to anorexia, and was definitely sensitive to all the complexities that history brings. Plus she seemed more optimistic that things would improve with time and increased strength and all that. One really good sign: when she checked all my pain trigger points (I don't have fibromyalgia but this is the general idea), I tested totally negative for some that I'd had before, meaning no pain on pressure, meaning the neuropathic pain medication I've been on is working. Bad news is that I still somehow have a lot of pain on a daily basis (think: walking, sitting, being awake), so that sucks.

Something happened in my doctor's waiting room before my appointment this week that made me really angry and unhappy. The details are too long and complicated, but basically a patient had to leave without seeing the doctor (after having to wait two months to get an appointment) because her insurance company fucked up and refused to cover her. She was not informed of this ahead of time, meaning she didn't have a chance to contact the insurance company and appeal before the appointment. So she had to take the next available appointment in January, and left the office in tears. This is not okay. Can I be really candid for a second? The United States is one of the wealthiest, most scientifically advanced countries in the world. Everyone should have access to healthcare. Period. I've never felt so personally invested in elections before, and I'm not going to launch into a political tirade (although you could probably guess which way I'm voting if you really tried), but what happens if the new health bill gets yanked out from under our feet and suddenly I'm 23 years old and have zero ability to get health coverage because of my multiple preexisting conditions? What the hell am I supposed to do then? 

Other body stuff: My weight is the highest it's been in over a year. Am I freaking out? Um, YES. I do not like this one bit. But there's not a whole lot I can do about it right now, so I suppose there's no point in getting upset about it. At least that's what I'm trying to tell myself, since of course I'm still upset about it anyway. To say that I have bad body image right now would be the understatement of the century. Kind of like saying NYC had a couple breezy days this week. Or that Lance Armstrong bent the rules.

But how about some more good news: my birthday was lovely. My new phone FINALLY came. I'd been phone-less for a full week and let me tell you, it was rough. But, you know what, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. And my heart is super fond of having a phone again. I love you Phone! I'll try real hard not to drown you!


  1. I'm sorry the PT gave you some not-so-hot news, but I'm really glad that you're going to PT! Hopefully she'll be able to help you with the muscle and body instability stuff! Great about the decrease in pain points, I hope the rest go away soon and you're 100% pain-free!

    Just my two-cents: totally with you on the healthcare front.

    I'm really happy that you're trying to just "walk through" the body frustration/discomfort/general yucky-feeling. It's hard, but I know you can do it. And it'll be so worth it once your health/weight is all restored!

    Yay for a new phone!!!

  2. I'm so glad you spoke about healthcare. The English system gives us plenty to complain about but I don't know anyone who would ever trade it for the American system... or non-existent system. It saddens me every time I think about the people in this country. My parents were already resistant to my treatment, if they would have had to pay for any of it then I'm 90% sure I'd never have received any, and to be honest, would probably be dead.