Happy Monday, everyone. Hope it's been a fantastic weekend for all. Mine was fairly good, although a smidge chilly for my liking. There was also a lot of time spent starting at my computer without actually accomplishing much. Then I hung out with some friends the other night, and made plans to get dinner with two others this week. I daresay, sometimes I think I might just be almost normal.
I just realized that I haven't seen my dietician in over a month now. The food piece is really weird for me right now. I'm eating fine, or more fine than I was for most of last year, although I am still incredibly rigid and ritualistic about it. No casual snacking, no spontaneous treats, not breaks in routine, etc. My weight is deceptively creeping up thanks to this damn DRUG, because even I know that I'm not eating enough to be gaining weight. I feel like R always wants to harp on the food issue, and I just kind of want to shrug it off because I feel like food isn't a huge issue at all right now.
I am seeing the doctor who prescribed the evil Chub Drug this week, so I'm planning to ask her about possible alternatives. Maybe with starting PT, I will be able to taper off the medication without too much trouble. Although maybe that's being overly optimistic, since I seem to have developed some new back and hip stiffness/pain/weirdness over the past couple of days. Does anyone know whether ice or heat is better for that? I've tried both, and I can't tell which one felt better.
Honestly, I don't really know what I want to happen. Correction: I do know: I want to come off the drug and have my weight drop back down to where it was a couple months ago. But then the rational part of me knows that that will put me back into the underweight category, and therefore right back where I started, and right back to where all these issues started in the first place. I keep telling myself that I am okay with gaining weight as long as it is on my own terms and not because evil Chub Drug is messing with my innards. But then I realize that I'd probably be incredibly uncomfortable at this weight (first minimum goal set my R and J) regardless of how I got there - a.k.a. via increased calories or drug-induced gain. It's unfortunate that a fear of weight gain is causing me SO much distress and unhappiness, but I don't know how to view it positively, especially when I'm still not eating very well in terms of quantity, variety, flexibility, etc. etc. etc.
ARGH. Maybe it is time to go back to therapy. Have a great week, everyone!