Things are still going well. It is sort of bewildering to me that I can have such a string of consecutive great days, although I am certainly not complaining in any way, shape, or form. Every morning, I wake up and roll out of bed, drink my delicious coffee, eat some breakfast, and somewhere along the way it hits me that I'm not miserable or panicky or dreading the day ahead and I wonder: is this...could this be...happiness?
Not that I don't have my moments of stress and exhaustion. There are still a few nagging health issues, but they aren't completely destroying me like they were a month or so ago. Minor snags and inconveniences during the day don't send me into a tailspin anymore. I feel so much more in control of my mind and my emotions that suddenly, life is manageable. I don't know how else to describe it. Maybe it's more that I'm just on an even keel than actually happy; regardless, this is SUCH an improvement over the past few months that I'll take it, no questions asked! Don't jinx it don't jinx it don't jinx it.
There's some stuff coming up that I am really excited about - academically, professionally, and socially. Yesterday, I had a meeting with a professor that elevated my self-esteem in such profound, non-body-image-related ways that I think it may have assisted my recovery more in twenty minutes than a year of therapy has. (Note: I wholeheartedly refute the idea that anorexia is caused by bad self-esteem, but it sure doesn't help!)
Food is okay - not optimal, not horrible. I'm trying to do better. On Friday, R brought up the possibility of drinking Boost there in his office rather than trying to do it on my own. My first reaction was absolutely positively NO. The thought of choking down a supplement in front of him is mortifying. But then I started wondering if maybe it would be better to take away the choice, protect myself from having to agonize over it, and just get the damn Boost down. At this point, I don't trust myself to do it at home. Then again, do I really want to make therapy any more uncomfortable for myself than it already is? Ack. Has anyone ever had to eat/drink something in therapy, and was it helpful?
And a final random tidbit: I may end up starting birth control after all (for non-birth control, non-bone-density-related reasons). Any advice? This probably goes without saying, but duh: I'm afraid of weight gain. Feel free to e-mail if you prefer: firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks!