Wednesday, April 4, 2012

A Happy Hodgepodge

Things are still going well. It is sort of bewildering to me that I can have such a string of consecutive great days, although I am certainly not complaining in any way, shape, or form. Every morning, I wake up and roll out of bed, drink my delicious coffee, eat some breakfast, and somewhere along the way it hits me that I'm not miserable or panicky or dreading the day ahead and I wonder: is this...could this be...happiness?

Not that I don't have my moments of stress and exhaustion. There are still a few nagging health issues, but they aren't completely destroying me like they were a month or so ago. Minor snags and inconveniences during the day don't send me into a tailspin anymore. I feel so much more in control of my mind and my emotions that suddenly, life is manageable. I don't know how else to describe it. Maybe it's more that I'm just on an even keel than actually happy; regardless, this is SUCH an improvement over the past few months that I'll take it, no questions asked! Don't jinx it don't jinx it don't jinx it.

There's some stuff coming up that I am really excited about - academically, professionally, and socially. Yesterday, I had a meeting with a professor that elevated my self-esteem in such profound, non-body-image-related ways that I think it may have assisted my recovery more in twenty minutes than a year of therapy has. (Note: I wholeheartedly refute the idea that anorexia is caused by bad self-esteem, but it sure doesn't help!)

Food is okay - not optimal, not horrible. I'm trying to do better. On Friday, R brought up the possibility of drinking Boost there in his office rather than trying to do it on my own. My first reaction was absolutely positively NO. The thought of choking down a supplement in front of him is mortifying. But then I started wondering if maybe it would be better to take away the choice, protect myself from having to agonize over it, and just get the damn Boost down. At this point, I don't trust myself to do it at home. Then again, do I really want to make therapy any more uncomfortable for myself than it already is? Ack. Has anyone ever had to eat/drink something in therapy, and was it helpful?

And a final random tidbit: I may end up starting birth control after all (for non-birth control, non-bone-density-related reasons). Any advice? This probably goes without saying, but duh: I'm afraid of weight gain. Feel free to e-mail if you prefer: Thanks!


  1. I always ate a meal or a snack (depending on appointment time) with my RD and with my therapist in their offices. I say do what R suggests! :)

    1. For years I did this, btw... it isn't so bad. And, trust me, one boost with your therapist will not a weight gain make...

  2. I've talked about the BC issue (perhaps too extensively) on my blog, so you may already know this, but I'll toss in my two cents anyway: I was SO afraid of weight gain on the Pill that I put off taking it forever, until I was in a serious relationship. To be honest, though, now I *love* what it does to my body and would stay on it even if my original reasons for going on it were no longer an issue. I did not gain or lose any weight, but it redistributed the weight I had in a more feminine way.

    I haven't noticed either a positive or negative effect on my complexion, but I know some people say it clears up their skin.

    I am on Cryselle, which is a generic of Lo-Ovral. It is true that no two people respond to the same drug the same way, but the reviews I read of that one were generally less scary than others, like Yaz. Could you find out if you mom has ever been on the Pill, and if so which one and how her body handled it? One reason I went with Lo-Ovral was because my mom hadn't had any weight-related side effects from it, and a lot of drug response is hereditary.

    The only side effects I've noticed: 1) quite bad headaches on one or two days of a placebo week, although this is common with regular periods too; 2) mood swings the first few days back on the Pill after a placebo week. Just a note, they come in 3 week packs with the general rule being that you do a placebo after every pack, but it is super easy to get an ob/gyn to write you a "continuous cycle" prescription, which means you can get a new pack every 3 weeks and space your placebos out farther. I usually do a placebo week after every 2 or 3 packs, depending on what my travel schedule is like, and some people go even longer than that (although my ob/gyn said 3 packs is fine but she wouldn't recommend longer than that).

    Let me know if you have any other questions!

  3. I'm glad things are going so well! It's great that you've got some exciting stuff coming up! On the Boost issue, it might be worth a try, just to see if drinking it in his office helps reduce some anxiety around it. It sometimes helps me stay on track when I know someone is there to support me, and that I've committed to. Good luck and take care!

  4. I've never eaten with a therapist but I think it is a no brainer if it will help you get it down. I didn't have the best luck with birth control, but my sister and mother can't tolerate it either (same side effects) and so I think that Cammy's advice is wise. Good luck!