My appetite is puzzling me (again) lately - I seem to be randomly starving all the time, even with upping my calories a little bit and trying to eat more meat. My meat intake had unintentionally gotten really low—mostly because it's expensive and I hate touching raw meat, not for any ED reasons. But I've been consciously trying to eat more of it lately because I think it fills me up better... Anyway, that was a tangent but my point, in spite of deliberately upping my protein, I'm still so hungry all the time. This morning I woke up to my stomach growling....made myself go running anyway, ate my usual breakfast, and then was starving within two hours. Like, legitimately starving, with my stomach growling and my mind getting fuzzy. So I ate lunch (scrambled eggs with cheese and a side of roasted cauliflower - not typical, but I'm on spring break) and now, about half an hour later, my stomach is still rumbling! I am on my period, which sometimes seems to increase my appetite, but not consistently and not usually this intensely. I've also started weight lifting again in the past few weeks, and I do notice that my appetite is OUTTA CONTROL on the days I lift, even though I always assume weight training burns far fewer calories than running or biking. Yet somehow on the days I lift for 20 minutes (and I do not lift particularly heavy....) my usual intake leaves me weak and dizzy with my stomach roaring ferociously. It's a bit of a mindfuck.
It's a bit demoralizing that still, after this long, I cannot figure out my appetite, cannot follow hunger cues to save my life, do not even really trust my own hunger cues, and have to find a million reasons to "justify" eating instead of just fucking EATING.
Bizarre, shameful, and a bit surreal that I am writing a blog post about how I can't feed myself as I am sitting here at my kitchen table, putting the finishing touches on my master's thesis.