Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Feeling Validated (and the N is out)

I know I've been quiet lately. No real reason for it—things are mostly pretty good. I'm busy, tired, excited, confused, and life is complicated. Such is being 24, no? I've gotten more good news about PhD stuff, which is wonderful and exciting and validating, but also makes this decision immensely more complicated. I think I do know in my heart where I will most likely end up, but I have no doubts that my mind will have to go a few brutal rounds in the ring before it gets there.

The weather is finally turning nice around here and it seems to have had a pretty positive effect on my mood. I just feel okay these days. Not freaking out (too much) about stuff, and looking forward to what's ahead. Probably because the end of my masters is in sight (along with the ridiculous work schedule and unsatisfying internship placement), and I've got some really promising things in my future.

I had a follow-up conversation with the N last week. Remember how our last conversation was pretty useful and informative and made me feel good about things? Well, this one took a total 180 - it was as DISASTER. As in, unhelpful to the point of being upsetting. I've handled it better than expected, but this has unfortunately only served to confirm my general belief that dietitians know a lot less than they think they do and are generally useless. My lifetime dietitian count is now up to four, and only one of them (the first one, interestingly) has been remotely helpful. At least two (counting this most recent one) have been actively harmful. I know some people have found dietary appointments to be life-saving in their ED recoveries, but my experiences have turned out to be almost universally negative. So, count me out.

But despite that little fiasco, I really doing pretty well. Maybe al the good news on the academic front is really making it sink in that the food/weight stuff truly DOES NOT MATTER, and is totally not worth my time anymore. It's nice to get some validation for all the hard work I've put in these past two years, and to feel like it was really worth something. As I said, I've got an agonizing decision to make, but in the end I know I'll end up in the right place and have the chance to be successful.

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