Sunday, March 22, 2015

Takeaways and the Time Factor

You guys are AMAZING. I don't know why I suddenly felt so alone and so desperate for some perspective, but this has helped tremendously. I have lots of thoughts about your many wonderful suggestions and inspiration and not a ton of time to get it all down, but I guess the main takeaways for me were:

1) Mixing it up - in food choices, exercise, routines, etc. to break out of those disordered "ruts"

2) Having a really strong support system, and actually using it


4) Maybe I should get a dog

And ultimately, that this shit takes TIME. One of you (Hi E!) wrote: "I am still actively figuring all this out (despite having been weight-restored for >3 years!!!)" I know Laura worked with her dietitian for 8 years, and one reader e-mailed me that she started counting calories in elementary school (probably 20-ish years ago?), has been out of formal treatment for a few years now, and YET: "I am wholly un-disordered in my behaviors, but I have in the past weeks acutely missed being thin." It's scary how that statement can sound 100 percent nuts to me but somehow also make perfect sense.

I am feeling this weird combo of relief that I'm not alone/there is not something fundamentally fucked and un-recoverable about me, mixed with total deflation about the fact that there are so many of us smart, grown-up, insightful women fumbling through this.

Anyway. Still mulling it all over, but many many thanks to those who shared. Much love to you all.


  1. I agree with all the suggestions from everyone. Such great advice!! I am still learning after being in stable recovery for almost 4 years now. But I think the biggest things that helped me was... being around super supportive people, trying to do what I needed to do (eating, no weighing, limit exercise) I know a big one for me was telling on myself. I found my mom was the perfect person to do this with as she promised to not judge or get mad but just listen and support. And for once in my life, she actually was that for me and it helped me tremendosly. Because I could talk openly to her and I could admit when I did something or had urges. I just had to do the same things over and over and I think I finally got to a point where I was tired of being stuck in the cycle of the ed that ran my life and it kind of just clicked in my head. But that doesn't mean it was immediately fixed. I struggled and still struggle at times but honeslty being able to talk to people really was one of the key things for me. And Brian. He truly did save me from myself and I am so grateful to him every day for loving me, accepting me and teaching me how to love and accept myself. I am so glad to see you reaching out to others and honestly wanting to know what has worked for other people. That is going to help you so much! I know you are tired of the endless cycle and I know if you follow the advice it is going to help you! keep fighting and know you are worth it!!!!

    1. I think this is so true - recovery didn't start clicking for me until I got really angry and fed up with my eating disorder. Because I was becoming cognizant of all the ways in which it had interfered with the life I wanted to live, and that it made me into a kind of person I didn't want to be. All the daily drama and angst and secrecy that comes with anorexia just felt a lot more exhausting and degrading and pointless at age 23 than it did at 13, you know? The whole recovery process is so fraught and sticky and confusing, but something fundamentally changed when I finally said ENOUGH to the illness and made the decision to move forward. And moving forward I am, albeit verrry slowly....

      Anyway. Thanks Jenn! I always follow your story and you are such an inspiration.