Sunday, June 29, 2014

Worries, Cocktails, and Wireless

Thank you thank you thank you for the wonderful comments on my last post. I am still totally agonizing over the to-medicate-or-not-to-medicate question. Not that I have in my head the idea that Celexa is causing weight gain, I just want OFF it and am spooked about trying other medications. But at a lower dose, I'm feeling an uptick in anxiety, which scares the crap out of me and is the whole reason I went on the medication in the first place. So, do I want to be on meds and freaked about weight gain, or off meds and freaked about everything (probably including weight gain)? It sounds like an obvious choice but it really isn't to me. I'm also embarrassed to e-mail my psychiatrist because I just feel like whenever I bring up weight gain, everyone rolls their eyes at me like "oh look, there goes the anorexic being paranoid again." I hate that I am feeling so scared and insecure and worried about everything. Remember how well I was doing just a couple months ago? I miss that.

It's been a tough but okay week, partly because I've been so busy that I haven't really had time to be sad or down. I've been doing interviews for that study every night, which has been taking me into some of the poorest, most terrible, dangerous neighborhoods in College City. The levels of poverty we still have in this country are astounding. One night last week we drove by the old north side projects, which were totally depressing but have a fascinating history. Gotta remind myself that no matter how bad things seem to get for me, at least I can afford to pay my rent and keep the lights on and feed myself (and don't have kids to feed either). I have another five interviews next week which should be exhausting but I love doing them and feel like I am learning SO much.

I went out with an old friend of mine from college on Friday night, and it was really nice to just hang out with someone who knows me so well, get a little drunk, and catch up on each others' lives. She is moving about an hour away in August for law school at Big State U, but hopefully I'll still get to see her periodically. Then yesterday I spent pretty much the entire afternoon and evening at another friend's apartment because my internet was out and GOD FORBID I HAVE NO WIRELESS. But seriously, I had to leave and mooch off of hers. The technician came this morning to fix it (well, he was supposed to come this morning but was an hour late so technically it ended up being afternoon by the time he got can bet I called and raised hell....) but thankfully I have my internet back and all is right with the world.

Other than that I'm just chugging away with school and work, almost done with my clinic hours (about two more weeks!!) and then things should calm down a bit. Much love to you all.


  1. Once in a while, I'll try tapering off one of my meds because I swear they are "making me fat." You know what tends to happen? Disaster. So, I wouldn't advise it. If you're convinced it's the Celexa, consider trying a different med (since side-effects can be different on different meds) rather than black or white "meds or no meds." That's my 2 cents!

    Oh, and FTR, every time I have gotten off one of my meds for "making me fat" my weight hasn't budged, which makes me think it's not med-related...

    1. This comment was immensely helpful - thank you for putting this in perspective. I am already discovering that me off meds = disaster and I do not like it!

      Probably time to schedule with my psychiatrist....

    2. Oh I'm so glad you found it helpful! I worried, actually. I didn't want to seem too preachy. I just know that I've made many, many med changes and discontinuations for this very reason and they NEVER go well. Learn from my mistakes. :)

      BTW, I created a new public blog if you're interested in checking it out: :)

  2. Ok, I think blogger just ate my comment. Or if it shows up twice, I'm very sorry. I agree with you and Erin that no meds can be no bueno, especially since you've noticed an increase in your anxiety on the lower dose. I really hope you and your psychiatrist can work something out! I've tried both Celexa and Zoloft, and neither seemed to have any weight-related side effects.

    Sounds like the interviews are challenging, but rewarding and fulfilling! Good luck with the rest of them! Glad you had a chance to hang out with friends this weekend and have fun!