Hey guys—thank you all SO MUCH for the love and support I got on my last post. I know that everyone has been subjected to my bitching and moaning about this issue for a long time, and I am so happy to be able to share improvement with you. I am trying to really see this as a huge opportunity to take inventory of what is important, what needs to be shrugged off, and what problems are really worth my attention and emotion.
Which brings me to my current dilemma. The first semester of my graduate program is known for its emphasis on group work. At the moment, I am part of four different groups at various stages of progress for different classes. None of those groups have had arguments or tension or anything, except for one.
One girl in one group seems to have targeted me...why? I am not really sure. She sent me a nasty e-mail a couple of weeks ago, cursed at me in class yesterday, and then sent an e-mail of epically horrible proportions: it was about five paragraphs long basically about how I am disrespectful, aggressive, mean, and that she has disliked me since the first day of class.
I immediately went to talk with the three other members of my group, who assured me that she is off her rocker and that I have not in any way been rude or disrespectful to her. I was too upset to handle it, so a guy in my group stepped up and went to the professor, who now wants to meet with Evil Girl and me in her office next week before class.
Logically, I know that I have not really done anything wrong. I've agonized over every interaction I've had with this girl, and still can't figure out what she's so angry about. I'm a nice person, I swear!! She claims that I have interrupted her, ignored her, excluded her, and insulted her—and I genuinely don't know what she is talking about.
I spent most of yesterday afternoon in tears. I talked about it with my other group members, my mom, and members of another group that I met with yesterday evening. A couple of my friends even took me out for drinks later to get my mind off of it, but I can't stop thinking about it. I have this sick, twisting feeling in my stomach—butterflies times 1,000. I have tried talking myself down, reminding myself that I have been through so much worse and that this is small potatoes compared to all my health problems, that this girl isn't worth getting upset over, that my professor will help me sort it out...but I'm still freaking out!
Unfortunately I am just an incredibly sensitive person who feels everything deeply and cannot stand the thought of people being mad at me. Even if it is someone about whom I couldn't care less. The only good part of all this is that I have gotten an overwhelming amount of support from my other friends; everyone else in the group backs me up, everyone in my other group (who unfortunately had to witness me crying) responded with nothing but love and kindness. One of my friends brought me chocolate, another bought me a drink, and my mom was justifiably outraged on my behalf at this girl. So overall I am feeling very loved and supported, and I am trying to focus on the positive rather than getting swept up in the anxiety and negativity. But goddamn it, that stupid girl totally ruined my week.